Friday, August 31, 2007

540- CALLING IT AS YOU SEE IT

SOME SPORTS ANNOUNCERS GOT THEIR FOOT IN THEIR MOUTH WITH THESE SLIPS OF THE TONGUE
Here are the top nine comments made by NBC sports commentators during the 2004 Summer Olympics that they would most like to take back:
Weightlifting commentator: "This is Gregoriava from Bulgaria. I saw her snatch this morning during her warm up and it was amazing."
Dressage commentator: "This is really a lovely horse and I speak from personal experience since I once mounted her mother."
Paul Hamm, Gymnast: "I owe a lot to my parents, especially my mother and father."
Boxing Analyst: "Sure there have been injuries,and even some deaths in boxing, but none of them really that serious."
Softball announcer: "If history repeats itself, I should think we can expect the same thing again."
Basketball analyst: "He dribbles a lot and the opposition doesn't like it. In fact you can see it all over their faces."
At the rowing medal ceremony: "Ah, isn't that nice, the wife of the IOC president is hugging the cox of the British crew."
Soccer commentator: "Julian Dicks is everywhere. It's like they've got eleven Dicks on the field."
Tennis commentator: "One of the reasons Andy is playing so well is that, before the final round, his wife takes out his balls and kisses them... Oh my God, what have I just said?"!
Well make my day, and yours too! .....GED.....

539- HODGE-PODGE


LIST OF ALL THE DAYS MEN THINK ABOUT SEX AND SOME OTHER THINGS

Examples of those days are:
Tuesday
Thursday
Thisday
Thatday
Today
Tomorrow
Thaturday and
Thunday
At the exact same time, there are two young men on opposite sides of the earth: one is walking a tight rope between two skyscrapers, the other is getting a blow job from a 90 year old woman. They are both thinking to themselves the exact same thought.
What are they both thinking?
Don't look down!
The Code:
A husband and wife decided they needed to use "code" to indicate that they wanted to have sex without letting their children in on it. They decided on the word 'Typewriter'. One day the husband told his five year old daughter, "Go tell your mommy that daddy needs to type a letter." The child told her mother what her dad said, and her mom responded, "Tell your daddy that he can't type a letter right now cause there is a red ribbon in the typewriter. "The child went back to tell her father what mommy said. A few days later the mom told the daughter, "Tell daddy that he can type that letter now. "The child told her father, returned to her mother and announced, "Daddy said never mind with the typewriter, he already wrote the letter by hand."
Just as easy as pie and didn't even use up any typewriter ribbon either.
.....GED.....

538- RED FLAGGED AGAIN!

DEQ RAISES RED FLAGS ON 18 SAIPAN SITES
The Division of Environmental Quality has raised the red flag on 18 beach sites on Saipan due to high concentrations of fecal indicator bacteria and is urging the public not to swim or fish at these sites for the next 48 hours or until otherwise notified.
Over and over, same old 'shit' a sure tourist draw.
.....GED.....

537- ITS ABOUT WOMEN

I HAVE BEEN DRILLING AND SHOWING THE MEN HOW TO CONDUCT THEMSELVES, but now I will attempt to show a side of the women we all must be aware of also.
Confusing words used by women and what they mean...
WOMEN'S WORDS: FINE: This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.
FIVE MINUTES: If she is getting dressed, this is half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given 5 more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.
NOTHING: This is the calm before the storm. This means "something," and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with 'Nothing' usually end in "Fine".
GO AHEAD: This is a dare, not permission. Don't do it.
LOUD SIGH: This is not actually a word, but is a nonverbal statement often misunderstood by men. A "Loud Sigh" means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you over "Nothing".
THAT'S OKAY: This is one of the most dangerous statements that a woman can make to a man. "That's Okay" means that she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.
THANKS: A woman is thanking you. Do not question it or faint. Just say you're welcome.
MEN, YOU HAVE NOW BEEN INFORMED DO NOT TAKE THIS LESSON LIGHTLY!
.....GED.....

536- A PLAY ON WORDS

THE MEANINGS OF SOME WORDS...
We took a little time to bring out some of the underlying alternative definitions of certain words.
Here is a condensed list.......
ANTI-CLIMAX: Bore-gasm.
GALIC: Irish lesbian.
CORPORATE VIRGIN: New girl in the office.
DESPERATE STRAIGHTS: Sex-starved heterosexuals.
LUBRICATED CONDOMS: Bedroom slippers.
MONOLOGUE: A discussion between man and wife.
PARENTS: Couples who practice the Rhythm Method.
PIMP: Nookie Bookie.
RED RIDING HOOD: A Russian condom.
SELF-DECEPTION: Faking an organism during masturbation.
SITTING PRETTY: Sitting Bull's gay brother. (my favorite)
TEAR JERKER: A bloke who cries while wanking.
VIRGIN SQUAW: Wouldn't Indian.
VIRGIN: Any hill-billy girl who can outrun her brothers.
So there is your phonics lesson for today!
.....GED.....

535- REMEMBERING DIANA

A TRIBUTE TO THE PRINCESS
10 YEARS AGO THE TERRIBLE ACCIDENT, WE ALL REMEMBER IT WELL

Memorial held for Princess Diana: Thousands of candles were lit at the cathedral in Diana's memory. Hundreds of people are expected to attend Manchester Cathedral for a service to remember Princess Diana on the 10th anniversary of her death. The service has been organised at the request of Diana's sons and will take place as other similar events are held in cities across England.
LOVED BY MANY, MISSED BY ALL.. BUT NEVER FORGOTTEN.
.....GED.....

534- SHORT TAKES

FUN FART FACTS FOR FREAKY FLATULENT FRIENDS
Stupid Facts - Fart Facts -
Farts are created mostly by E. coli.
On the average a fart is composed of about 59% nitrogen, 21% hydrogen, 9% carbon dioxide, 7% methane, and 4% oxygen.
Less than 1% is what makes them stink.
The temperature of a fart at time of creation is 98.6 degrees Fahrenheit.
Farts have been clocked at a speed of 10 feet per second.
A person produces about half a liter of farts a day.
Although they won't admit it, women fart as much as men.
Termites are the largest producers of farts.
Farts are flammable.
The word "fart" comes from the Old English "feortan" (meaning "to break wind").
Excess gas in the intestinal is medically termed "flatulence."
I know that I've just saved you the time of of looking for these facts yourself, thus saving you a considerable amount of your valuable time today. No you don't really need to thank me, this is what I do! Any time I can be of help, just let me know.
.....GED.....

533- CUC - WhatTF?

IS EVERYBODY HERE REALLY AS STUPID AS THEY SEEM TO BE?
LETS LOOK AT A FEW DIFFERENT THINGS
Take a look at the accompanying photo, that is U.S. Interior Secretary, Dirk Kempthorne and our own rep. Pete A. checking out CUC's power plant. Is this not a simple fact easy to understand? Then why did we do this.....Taiwanese power firm looks at Saipan plants... Here is their assesment.
More than anything else, the power outage problem plaguing the CNMI is caused mainly by maintenance problems, according to representatives of a visiting Taiwanese utilities company based in Guam. Four officers from the Taiwan Electrical and Mechanical Engineering Services Inc. have been visiting the power plants on Saipan and, based on their initial assessment, said the CNMI's power plants urgently need maintenance work to improve output. No Shit! Now whyTF do we need to bring in Taiwanese electrical officials to tell us we have a problem at the CUC power plant for? It sure didn't take a study to tell us there is something wrong, something that we all have known for years. How many times do we need to be told CUC is fu*ked up? Maybe we ought to consult with North Korea next, they seem adept to building plants for all kinds of reasons.... Now all wise men say that 'the first step to solving a problem, is to realize there is one', (a very old adage) so I ask you, have we not yet found out and realize there is a problem? Now I'm assuming this first step is now concluded.
In other news: The sixth of eight power engines in the Commonwealth Utilities Corp.'s Power Plant 1 in Lower Base malfunctioned yesterday, triggering more outages in many areas on Saipan, on top of the scheduled rolling blackouts. Do you think there is a serious problem?
Next the most stupid action of all.... House Bill 15-273
Acting Gov. Timothy P. Villagomez has disapproved House Bill 15-273, which would have required two currently nonexistent panels to approve any move to privatize local power operations. Villagomez said the bill was not workable and would make privatization of the Commonwealth Utilities Corp. practically impossible. Villagomez cited several reasons for the veto.“It is not workable. It amends a statutory section that was repealed and replaced just a few weeks ago. It requires the CUC advisory board to do things that the board is not empowered to do; and it conflicts with the express language of the CUC 'statute.' More fundamentally, the bill creates an unworkable privatization process, one which would, as a practical matter, eliminate privatization of the CUC,” he said.
I'm not even going to try make heads or tails out of this and try to explain it, read it yourselves here...... READ ABOUT IT HERE
This current legislature needs to get its head out of its ass and ask the Taiwanese how to write a bill, surely they could help in this area too. Meanwhile lets all keep throwing our hard earned cash at these idiots, lets not demand immediate improvements, lets keep out heads in the sand, and continue to be blindly ripped-off. WhoTF cares?
.....GED.....

Thursday, August 30, 2007

532- ORDER IN THE COURT

HERE ARE A FEW LINES UTTERED IN A COURT OF LAW
These things were actually stated and recorded by court reporters.
Q: Are you sexually active?...
A: No, I just lie there.
Q: What is your date of birth?...
A: July 15th. Q: What year?...
A: Every year.
Q: How old is your son, the one living with you?... A: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which. Q: How long has he lived with you?... A: Thirty- eight years.
Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke up that morning?... A: He said, "Where am I, Cathy." Q: And why did that upset you?... A: My name is Susan.
Q: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?
Q: Were you present when your picture was taken?
Q: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?...
A: Yes. Q: And what were you doing at the time?
The lighter side of a courtroom.
.....GED.....

531- So..WHAT HAPPENED?

CORRODED POWER LINE TRIGGERS OUTAGE, RESULTING IN THESE HIGHLY TECHNICAL AND SKILLFULLY EXPLAINED REASONS.
A high voltage wire near the Commonwealth Health Center in Garapan caught fire yesterday, cutting power to five electrical grids and causing more outages in many areas on Saipan, on top of the scheduled rolling blackouts.Commonwealth Utilities Corp. spokesperson Pamela Mathis told Saipan Tribune:
Explanation # 1
That those two feeders instantly failed because they run on the same power pole system on Middle Road.
Explanation # 2
“It has to travel out through those two feeders. So with both of those feeders down there's no way to get energy made from Power Plant 4 to the customers.
Explanation # 3
It can't travel through power lines that are down,” she said.
Explanation # 4
Mathis said the line caught fire because of corrosion.“The line was completely corroded. It had been worn down,” she said.
And, Explanation # 5
“When you got a high level of electricity traveling through it and it hits this worn down, corroded parts.” Mathis said.
Well I think that completely explains it to a tee. I gonna guess that leaves you hanging, just like it did me. What is the next sentence gonna say? I guess the real question should be this. Why are these, so called power company operators allowed to even keep their jobs? Can't anyone see what we have here doesn't work, hasn't worked for years never will work again until things are completely changed? So what the hell are we waiting for? Everyone to go broke, or choose to leave this place? I know the sneaky-smart governor has a solution in his pocket that he isn't telling us about, you know, like he has all those new investors just waiting to pour there money into this "blackout economy' thing. He will solve this problem before you can spit and say howdy. He might even have had a chance to ask the feds for some help, but I don't think he's in any position to do that just now considering how he is so adept in managing to keep them pissed-off. So life goes on, the power goes off and we sit here on do-nothing island with a do-nothing government. Playing do-little games with do-little things, spiraling down the toilet...
.....GED.....

Wednesday, August 29, 2007

530- EVER PARANOID

DID THEY OPERATE ON THE GOVERNORS LOWER BACK OR GIVE HIM A FRONTAL LOBOTOMY?
This is surely a very paranoid and confused person. Lets examine just what he's saying and maybe why. Some short context to try to interpret. Fitial said his "first recommendation is to set the effective date for two years after enactment of the legislation. This would also provide additional time for the CNMI to recover from its current economic depression. So we are gonna recover from this economic depression in two years, without any thing even promising on the horizon? If this is not done, it seems only prudent to anticipate the need for a possible extension of the effective date for the transition program and specifically to authorize consideration of such an extension at some point (perhaps nine months after the bill’s enactment.) This is already set up for failure when he's asking for extensions before the darn thing is even off the ground. He said problems "may arise if many of these new lawful alien residents elect to stay in the commonwealth". O.K. here he's saying there will be problems if too many people choose to stay and keep working here. Fitial also raised a concern over the possibility that many of the intended beneficiaries of the non immigrant status program may relocate to other parts of the U.S. He said this would leave many employers at a "disadvantage." So on the other hand, at the same time he's saying that too many workers will choose to leave, so just what the hell does he mean, he can't have it both ways. This is proof of complete paranoia, a 'Murphys Law' syndrome, if you will, its not, 'if something can go wrong it will', but, 'everything will go wrong no matter what happens'. This man needs serious mental help!
HIS COMPLETE RANT HERE
Oh, What the hell, 10 years from now who'll even give a shit anyway?
.....GED....

529- THE SAGA of EAST TIMOR

EAST TIMOR WAS THE LAST COUNTRY IN THE WORLD TO DECLARE ITS OWN INDEPENDENCE.

Here's the story of how it went down and just how well it worked for them. This should be taken into consideration by Stanley Torres as he rattles around talking Independence for the CNMI.
East Timor declared itself independent from Portugal on 28 November 1975 and was invaded and occupied by Indonesian forces nine days later. It was incorporated into Indonesia in July 1976 as the province of East Timor. An unsuccessful campaign of pacification followed over the next two decades, during which an estimated 100,000 to 250,000 individuals lost their lives. On 30 August 1999, in a UN-supervised popular referendum, an overwhelming majority of the people of East Timor voted for independence from Indonesia. Between the referendum and the arrival of a multinational peacekeeping force in late September 1999, anti-independence Timorese militias - organized and supported by the Indonesian military - commenced a large-scale, scorched-earth campaign of retribution. The militias killed approximately 1,300 Timorese and forcibly pushed 300,000 people into West Timor as refugees. The majority of the country's infrastructure, including homes, irrigation systems, water supply systems, and schools, and nearly 100% of the country's electrical grid were destroyed. On 20 September 1999 the Australian-led peacekeeping troops of the International Force for East Timor deployed to the country and brought the violence to an end. On 20 May 2002, East Timor was internationally recognized as an independent state.
A pretty tough row to hoe, I think. This was not an easy or simple thing, a lot of people died...I'll leave it with you as it is.
.....GED.....

528- THE COUNTRY OF...

I HEAR THE LOOSE CANNON, STANLEY TORRES, IS RATTLING AROUND AGAIN. THE CAPTAIN OF A SINKING SHIP
Talking shit about becoming an independent country. Well isn't that a fine noise to be making at this time. Here are just a minor few things to start to consider, mind you I haven't even scratched the surface with all the complications that would be involved. Here's my short take....
IF YOU SECEDE..... THE COUNTRY OF THE MARIANA ISLANDS?
IS THIS WHAT STANLEY TORRES REALLY WANTS?
Here are
the main things to take into consideration.
Your nationality or citizenship. (Now U.S. citizens.)
You will no longer be a U.S. citizen you will be a ‘whatever’ you decide to be. You would be aliens in the U.S. Doesn't that have a nice ring? No U. S. passport, find your own friends.
Your money. (Now the U.S, dollar.)
You would have to print your own money and back it up. May I suggest you call it a ‘Torres.’ That has a wealthy sound. 100 ‘torres’ equal $1.00 U.S. dollar.
Your protection. ( Now the U.S. military.)
It’s now up to you. Can you remember how many times other countries came here and simply had their way with you? Was it 3 or 4 times? Call France or China if you need help. How about the Guam military?
No more aid, welfare, grants or CIP funds to name a few you are swimming on your own.
I simply can’t imagine this place without this support.
Postal service. (Now the U.S. mail.)
Guess you could send your stuff with politicians as they go on junkets.
Who the hell are we kidding? This place is a sinking disaster now, alone you may as well take up fishing, growing taro, and bananas. Get the old carabao and the carts back, Forget electrical power, cars and phones. The conclusion…
A REAL NOWHERE PLACE, FORGETTABOUTTIT… STANLEY!
…..GED…...

Tuesday, August 28, 2007

527- THE MANS CODE part II

THIS IS THE SECOND PART OF THE MAN CODE (Part one post # 518)
A few days ago I listed the first part of this unwritten code of conduct for men, today I will list the second half.....
The universal compensation for buddies who help you move is beer.
A man must never own a cat or like his girlfriend's cat.
When stumbling upon other guys watching a sports event, you may always ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who's playing.
When your girlfriend/wife expresses a desire to fix her whiney friend up with your pal, you may give her the go-ahead only if you'll be able to warn your buddy and give him time to prepare excuses about joining the priesthood.
It is permissible to consume a fruity chick drink only when you're sunning on a tropical beach... and it's delivered by a topless supermodel... and it's free.
Unless you're in prison, never fight naked.
A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must remain sober enough to fight.
If a buddy is outnumbered, out manned, or too drunk to fight, you must jump into the fight. Exception: If within the last 24 hours his actions have caused you to think, "What this guy needs is a good ass-whoopin", then you may sit back and enjoy.
Phrases that may NOT be uttered to another man while weight lifting: "Yeah, baby, push it!", "C'mon, give me one more! Harder!", "Another set and we can hit the showers." " Nice ass, are you a Sagittarius?"
Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of pizza, but not both. That's just plain mean.
If you compliment a guy on his six-pack, you better be referring to his beer.
Never join your girlfriend/wife in dissing a buddy, except when she's withholding sex pending your response.
Never talk to a man in the bathroom unless you're on equal footing: either both urinating or both waiting in line. In all other situations, a nod is all the conversation you need.
Unlocking a car door for another man is polite. Opening it is gay.
These rules are to be strictly adhered to by all manly men.
Now you have been informed.
.....GED.....

526- HOUSEHOLD TIPS

THESE ARE SOME HOMESPUN TIPS TO HELP WITH TOUGH HOUSEHOLD PROBLEMS.
ALSO SOME VERY GOOD SUGGESTIONS AND HELPFUL HINTS TO MAKE YOUR LIFE EASIER.
Copy and print this list for future reference. You never know when these tips may just save your day......

HOUSEHOLD TIPS:
Flies
or bees bothering you? Spray them with hairspray and they will take a quick dive.
Use Empty toilet paper roll to store appliance cords. They stay neat and you can mark them.
For icy door steps in freezing temperatures: get warm water and put Dawn dish washing liquid in it. Pour it all over the steps.
Crayon marks on walls. A damp rag, dipped in baking soda.
Permanent marker on appliances/counter tops. Use rubbing alcohol on paper towel.
Use vertical strokes when washing windows outside and horizontal for inside windows. This way you can tell which side has the streaks.
Straight vinegar will get outside windows really clean.
Don't wash windows on a sunny day. They will dry too quickly and will probably streak.
Spray a bit of perfume on the light bulb in any room to create a lovely light scent in each room when the light is turned on.
Place fabric softener sheets in dresser drawers and your clothes will smell freshly washed for weeks to come. You can also do this with towels and linen.
Candles will last a lot longer if placed in the freezer for at least 3 hours prior to burning.
To clean artificial flowers, pour some salt into a paper bag and add the flowers. Shake vigorously as the salt will absorb all the dust and dirt and leave your artificial flowers looking like new.
When a cake recipe calls for flouring the baking pan, use a bit of the dry cake mix instead and there won't be any white mess on the outside of the cake.
Wrap celery in aluminum foil when putting in the refrigerator and it will keep for weeks.
When boiling corn on the cob, add a pinch of sugar to help bring out the corn's natural sweetness.
Use air-freshener to clean mirrors. It does a good job and leaves a lovely smell to the shine.
Uses for Alka Seltzer:
Clean a toilet.
Drop in two Alka Seltzer tablets, wait twenty minutes, brush and flush.
Polish jewelry. Drop two Alka Seltzer tablets into a glass of water and immerse the jewelry for two minutes.
Clean a thermos bottle. Fill the bottle with water, drop in four Alka Seltzer tablets, and let soak for an hour (or longer, if necessary).
Unclog a drain. Clear the sink drain by dropping three Alka Seltzer tablets down the drain followed by a cup of Heinz White Vinegar. Wait a few minutes, then run the hot water.
And now my tip of the day... Have a very good one!
.....GED.....

Monday, August 27, 2007

525- TEST

TRY AGAIN
This is a second attempt but the hitch, I think, is partway through the download I got this..
Could not connect to Blogger.com. Saving and publishing may fail. Test connection now. This happens apparently for no reason or at any particular time or place. Why this appears I don't know, but it is what I think screws up the clip. Well lets see what happens this time.
(Check viewing directions in post #524.)
video
Conclusion ..To hell with all this video shit, never mind.
.....GED.....
One more try.. go to the right hand column 'Blog Archive' and click on #524, this will separate it from the rest of the posts. Try the same procedures there. It worked for me this way. Then try #525 the same way.

524- TESTING NEW STUFF

THEY ADDED THIS NEW VIDEO THING TO BLOGGER SO HERE'S A TEST
This was the shortest clip I could find and it takes a long time to download and then a long time to play. To me it's not worth the time.
video
So here's what I can tell you. To VIEW THE CLIP, click the little triangle button ( bottom left) twice until you get 'buffering' to appear in the top left of the screen, then wait, I don't know what buffering means but it won't play until the little grey line slowly creeps across the bottom of the picture. To me this was awful slow, so I don't know. Three times out of four it stopped before completely crossing the space thus not showing the complete clip. Only one time did I get to see the whole clip. It also seems to make my blog take longer to download by just being there, I'll probably delete it at a later date. Has anyone else tried this and what results did you get? Also did anyone get this clip to play completly through? Please let me know. Thank you.
.....GED.....

523- LIGHT BULBS

WE HAVE ALL HEARD ABOUT THE LIGHT BULB AND THE COMPLICATIONS THAT ARISE BY HAVING TO SCREW A NEW ONE IN

Well here are a few ways some other people have met the challenge, though many needed some help from others. Here's how this group of people managed to solve this dilemma.
THE LIGHTBULB CHALLENGE:
Q: How many Actors does it take to screw in a light bulb?...
A: Only one. They don't like to share the spotlight... B: One, but 500 auditioned for the part.
Q: How many Atheists does it take to screw in a light bulb?...
A: None. Atheists can't see the light anyway.
Q: How many Blondes does it take to screw in a light bulb?...
A: 1. She stands on the ladder and waits for the world to revolve aroundher.
Q: How many Bureaucrats/civil servants does it take to screw in a lightbulb?...
A: Two. One to assure everyone that everything possible is being done by some one else, the other to watch.
Q: How many Republicans does it take to screw in a light bulb?...
A: None, they only screw the poor.
Q: How many Hamsters does it take to screw in a light bulb?...
A: Two, but they have to be very small to get inside.
Q: How many firefighters does it take to screw in a light bulb?...
A: Three-one to do it and two to cut a hole through the roof.
Q: How many Folk musicians does it take to screw in a light bulb?...
A: Four - One to change the bulb, and three to sing about how good the old one was.
Q: How many lawyers does it take to screw in a light bulb?...
A: None, lawyers only screw us.
Q: How many investment brokers does it take to screw in a light bulb?...
A: Two. One to take out the bulb and drop it, and the other to try and sell it before it crashes.
Just how do you screw in a light bulb? let me know, below.
.....GED....

Sunday, August 26, 2007

522- I DON'T REMEMBER. . .

EVER GO SOME WHERE AND DIDN'T REMEMBER WHAT YOU WENT THERE FOR?
Funny, I don't remember being absent minded... God grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked anyway, the good fortune to run into the ones I do, and the eyesight to tell the difference.
Now that I'm 'older,' here's what I've discovered, that among all things that happen, this is what happened to me:
My wild oats have turned into prunes and All Bran.
I finally got my head together; now my body is falling apart.
Funny, I don't remember being absent minded...
All reports are in; life is now officially unfair.
If all is not lost, where is it?
It is easier to get older than it is to get wiser.
Funny, I don't remember being absent minded...
Some days you're the dog; some days you're the hydrant.
I wish the buck stopped here; I sure could use a few.
Kids in the back seat cause accidents.
Accidents in the back seat cause kids.
The only time the world beats a path to your door is when you're in the bathroom.
If God wanted me to touch my toes, he would have put them on my knees.
When I'm finally holding all the cards, why does everyone decide to play chess?
Funny, I don't remember being absent minded...
It's not hard to meet expenses... they're everywhere.
The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.
These days, I spend a lot of time thinking about the hereafter... I go somewhere to get something and then wonder what I'm hereafter.
Funny, I don't remember being . . . . . absent minded...
.....GED.....

521- MEN'S RULES - RULE #1

THIS IS THE FIRST RULE IN A SET OF THREE.. YOU MUST FOLLOW THEM ALL
TO NOT FOLLOW THIS SET OF SIMPLE RULES LESSENS YOUR RESPECT IN A REAL MANS WORLD. SO BE SURE TO TAKE CAREFUL NOTE OF THEM ALL.
IF YOU IGNORE THESE RULES YOU WILL BECOME KNOWN AS A LITTLE WEIRD PERVERTED SOT.
XXX

RULES CONCERNING UPSKIRT FLASHES

A woman in a short skirt bends in such a way as to reveal her underwear. You are allowed to look under these guidelines.
1. You aren't standing next to your girlfriend.
2. She isn't standing next to her boyfriend who is larger than you.
3. You don't stare.
4. You don't drool.
5. You don't mumble phrases like "mmm baby", "oh yeah", "come to papa", or "gotta get me some of that."
6. You aren't 30 plus years older than her.
7. You don't take a picture.
8. It has been more than 16 hours since you have had sex with another person.
9. It has been more than 4 hours since you have had sex with yourself.
10. You don't immediately describe in vivid, lurid detail what you saw to another guy.
11. You don't keep a journal of the women who's underwear you have seen.
12. You are admiring her form and not wondering what you'd look like in her underwear.
13. You immediately find a flaw with her so if you are ever scanned by telepathy you can honestly say you were just critically assessing her traits as a human being.
14. You do not go abuse yourself, as punishment for being observant.
There, you have the rules. To do otherwise will cause you to be known as a little weird.
.....GED.....

520- RULE # 2

RULES CONCERNING WATCHING SOFT PORN
On a weekend night, you find yourself, and some friends, watching a soft porn movie on cable.
1. Every half-hour you quickly flip through the channels to convince yourself, and them, that there isn't anything good on.
2. You say something like, "God this is bad" or "I can't believe this" at least once.
3. During long drawn out sex scenes you snack on something or drink something to help convince yourself, and them, that it is just a normal movie.
4. At least once during the movie you look it up on imdb.com to see what other movies that actress has been in on the off chance she's been in something more than direct-to-video releases.
5. You don't tell your friends that this is the 12th time you watched this flick.
6. Pretend to be bored during the "climax."
7. Remark, after its over, I don't usually watch that kind'a stuff.
8. Don't tape it.
These are the rules for watching porn with your friends. To do otherwise would cause you to be known as a pervert.
.....GED.....

519- RULE # 3

RULES CONCERNING GETTING DRUNK
You are out with the guys and you are drinking with the goal of getting drunk.
You may get drunk only for the following reasons.
1. You got a raise.
2. You got fired.
3. You broke up with your girlfriend.
4. You got laid by your new girlfriend.
5. Your favorite sports team won.
6. Your favorite sports team lost.
7. Your best friend is in town.
8. Your best friend left town.
9. You were just nominated for 'Sexiest Man Alive'.
10. You were just nominated for 'Fattest Man Alive'.
11. It's Friday night.
12. It's Saturday night.
Let it be known that these rules are to be strictly followed. To do otherwise, will cause you to become known as a sot.
.....GED.....

Saturday, August 25, 2007

518- THE MANS CODE part I

EVERY GUY KNOWS THIS CODE OF CONDUCT FOR MEN, BUT SOMETIMES WE ALL NEED A REMINDER
These rules of conduct are an unwritten code but I'm putting them down here in writing just for all to be sure to follow. They go like this.....
Thou shall not rent the movie Chocolate.
Under no circumstances may 2 men share an umbrella.
Any man who brings a camera to a bachelor party may be legally killed by his fellow party goers.
Unless he murdered someone in your immediate family, you must bail a friend out of jail within 12 hours.
You may exaggerate any anecdote told in a bar by 50% without recrimination; beyond that, anyone within earshot is allowed to call BULLSHIT. (Exception: When trying to pick up a girl, the allowable exaggeration rate rises to 400%.)
If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off-limits forever.
The minimum amount of time you have to wait for another guy who's running late is 5 minutes. For a girl, you are required to wait 10 minutes for every point of hotness she scores on the classic 1-10 babe scale.
Complaining about the brand of free beer in a buddies refrigerator is forbidden. You may gripe if the temperature is unsuitable.
No man is ever required to buy a birthday present for another man. In fact, even remembering a friends birthday is strictly optional and slightly gay.
Agreeing to distract the ugly friend of a hot babe that your buddy is trying to hook up with is your legal duty. Should you get carried away with your good deed and end up having sex with the beast, your pal is forbidden to speak of it, even at your bachelor party.
Before dating a buddy's "ex", you are required to ask his permission and he in return is required to grant it.
Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to pick a buffalo wing clean.
If a man's zipper is down, that's his problem - you didn't see nothin'.
There is now no reason for any guy to be caught breaking this code of conduct. YOU ARE NOW INFORMED! This is only half of the code I will, at a later date, give you the rest of it.
.....GED.....

517- AN ELEPHANTS MEMORY

AS YOU ALL KNOW AN ELEPHANT HAS AN 'UNFORGETTABLE' MEMORY
This poor dude relied on this fact to befriend an 'old friend' who he thought would remember him, but alas.....
In 1986, Mkele Mbembe was on holiday in Kenya after graduating from Northwestern University. On a hike through the bush, he came across a young bull elephant standing with one leg raised in the air. The elephant seemed distressed, so Mbembe approached it very carefully. He got down on one knee and inspected the elephant's foot and found a large piece of wood deeply embedded in it. As carefully and as gently as he could, Mbembe worked the wood out with his hunting knife, after which the elephant gingerly put down its foot. The elephant turned to face the man, and with a rather curious look on its face, stared at him for several tense moments. Mbembe stood frozen, thinking of nothing else but being trampled. Eventually the elephant trumpeted loudly, turned, and walked away. Mbembe never forgot that elephant or the events of that day. Twenty years later, Mbembe was walking through the Chicago Zoo with his teenaged son. As they approached the elephant enclosure, one of the creatures turned and walked over to near where Mbembe and his son Tapu were standing. The large bull elephant stared at Mbembe, lifted its front foot off the ground, then put it down. The elephant did that several times then trumpeted loudly, all the while staring at the man. Remembering the encounter in 1986, Mbembe couldn't help wondering if this was the same elephant. Mbembe summoned up his courage, climbed over the railing and made his way into the enclosure. He walked right up to the elephant and stared back in wonder. The elephant trumpeted again, wrapped its trunk around one of Mbembe' s legs and slammed him against the railing, killing him instantly .
Probably wasn't the same elephant.
Now remember this story and don't go in an old elephants cage even if you think you know him!
.....GED.....

Friday, August 24, 2007

516- CAUSES AND EXCUSES

EVER BEEN IN ANY TYPE OF ACCIDENT AND SCRAMBLED FOR AN EXCUSE OR REASON WHY IT WASN'T YOUR FAULT
Well here are some doozies, they are also kinda humorous as accidents may be.....
Incidents with Pedestrians: The pedestrian ran for the pavement, but I got him.
The guy was all over the road. I had to swerve a number of times before I hit him.
I was sure the old fellow would never make it to the other side of the road when I struck him.
To avoid hitting the bumper of the car in front I struck a pedestrian.
The pedestrian had no idea which way to run as I ran over him.
The car in front hit the pedestrian but he got up so I hit him again.
I saw a slow moving, sad faced old gentleman as he bounced off the roof of my car.
A pedestrian hit me and went under my car.
I saw her look at me twice. She appeared to be making slow progress when we met on impact.
I knocked over a man. He admitted it was his fault, as he had been run over before.
I miss judged a lady crossing the street. She suddenly saw me, lost her head, and we met.
Have you heard any good 'uns lately? Let me hear them here.
.....GED.....

515- MADE IN THE SHADE

THE DILEMMA OF THE DAY
You are a South African bush pilot working for Blue Sky Aviation. You fly in some critical medical supplies, enjoy a quick lunch at the hospital. It's a stifling 100 degrees in the shade and you're eager to get back up to the cool, high blue yonder. On the way back to your plane, you discover that the only bit of shade within 1 mile has become very popular . You start calculating the distance to the plane door and wonder . . .

.................... ..........DO I FEEL LUCKY TODAY?
Would you like to give this a try, an, I think I'll take a run for it?, maybe I'll make it, what if I don't? Or, maybe I'll try to tiptoe by and ignore them, think that'll work? What would you do?
.....GED.....

514- HERE WE GO AGAIN!

ONCE MORE ITS THE SAME OLD SHIT AND NOTHING GETS DONE!

When is the government, the MVA and the residents of this place going to see the reasons for the steep decline in tourists? DO NOT let the MVA kid you and try to make you think its the airlines fault that less and less tourists are coming here. They are bullshitting the public, it has nothing to do with empty seats, the seats would be available if the visitors wanted to come. It has to do with exactly the reasons listed below.....
EYESORES GALORE: Bystanders look at the heavily vandalized stage of the Susupe Regional Beach Park yesterday morning. Used to be the most well developed local public recreation facility on Saipan, the park is now a major eyesore with its dilapidated benches, scattered trash, collapsed pavilion, and graffiti. Local residents are calling the attention of the government for the renovation of the park.
DEQ raises red flag at 17 Saipan beaches: The Division of Environmental Quality has raised the red flag on 17 sites on Saipan and advises the public not to fish or swim within 300 feet of these locations for the next 48 hours or until otherwise notified.The agency said samples collected from Nikko Hotel, Aqua Resort Hotel, Tanapag Meeting Hall, Central Repair Shop, DPW Channel Bridge, S. Puerto Rico Dump, Smiling Cove Marina, American Memorial Park, Outer Cove Marina, Micro Beach, Hyatt Hotel, Fiesta Resort, Fiesta (Dai Ichi) Drainage, Hafa Adai Drainage, Garapan Fishing Dock, Garapan Beach, and Community School Beach contained excessive concentrations of fecal indicator bacteria-enterococci-that exceeded the CNMI Marine Water Quality Standards.
Over and over I keep bringing this issue up, and will continue to do so until someone sees the light.
YOU HAVE NOW BEEN INFORMED AGAIN!
.....GED.....

Thursday, August 23, 2007

513- PETE A. IS RIGHT

THE ONLY ONE WITH A LOGICAL WAY OF THINKING (And a mandate from the voters.)
Our elected Washington Representative is the only official that seems to get it. Why does everyone else seem so blind to the fact that the Federal government IS going to take over Labor and Immigration in the CNMI. Why not get on the band wagon and help. Why not have some input in the process? Why be out of the loop and simply take what is legislated by the U.S. congress? Wouldn't it be smarter to get involved, take part in determining what goes down? We can be block-headed and refuse to participate in the drafting of the bill, thus accomplishing nothing for the betterment of the CNMI. But noooo, these idiots want to stall the process with a report, only delaying the inevitable for a short time, and continue to simply reject the whole bill completely, doing absolutely zero, zilch good for anyone. They will simply not accomplish anything. They wanna take their toys, and like crybabies, pout and go home. This will NOT help anyone or anything, why the stupidly and ignorance? Here is what the elected D.C. Rep. says....

REP SAYS IMMIGRATION LEGISLATION COMING
The Washington Rep was the only elected official that spoke in favor federalization at last weeks immigration hearing...Pete A. tells KSPN News today that he thinks the administration is taking the wrong approach in dealing with Congress and should turn its effort to participate in the framing of what the immigration legislation will eventually look like.

Makes absolute sense, exactly what I've been saying all along. Get a grip governor maybe you should participate in the drafting of this very important bill about to be placed upon us instead of acting like a fool! There I said it again. .....GED.....

512- BLIND GOLF

NOW I DON'T WANT TO HEAR ANY MORE COMPLAINTS ABOUT YOUR GAME
This has got to be next to one of the most impossible feats one could ever conceive.
Posted on Tue, Aug. 21, 2007
Blind golfer hits hole-in-one: The Associated Press
LEHIGHTON -- Sheila Drummond didn't need to see her hole-in-one. She heard it. Drummond, blinded by diabetes 26 years ago, experienced the highlight of her golfing career Sunday, recording an ace on the 144-yard, par-3 fourth hole at Mahoning Valley Country Club. Playing with her husband and coach, Keith, and two friends in a steady rain, the 53-year-old Drummond hit a driver on the hole. The shot cleared a water hazard, flew between traps and landed on the green, where it hit the flagstick before dropping into the hole. "They were saying, 'It's a great shot,' and then I heard it hit the pin," Drummond said. "For a hole-in-one, you have to hit it onto the green, so it's a little bit of skill and a lot of luck." In 1999, Golf Digest said the odds of an amateur getting a hole-in-one are 1 in 12,750. That number, no doubt rises, for a blind golfer. Drummond is a member of the board of directors of the United States Blind Golfers Association, and the organization believes she is the first totally blind female to record a hole-in-one. "We've looked everywhere, and haven't been able to find anyone else," she said. Drummond took up golf about 15 years ago, and three years later qualified as the first female member of the USGBA. "I just try to do the best I can," said Drummond, who carries a 48 handicap with the USGBA. "I get nervous. "But I wasn't nervous (Sunday), I just don't like playing in the rain.".....
The next time you are golfing in the rain and things don't to seem to be going too well, remember this spunky little lady and keep on going, things will get better.
.....GED.....

511- WORTHLESS FACTS

HERE ARE SOME FACTS THAT YOU SHOULD ALL KNOW

These facts are completely worthless but never less true. Now aren't you glad you have them to digest today, yeah, like you already knew them all.... Here ya go!....
Dirty snow melts faster than clean snow.
The side of a hammer is called a cheek.
Clouds fly higher during the day than at night.
50 million bacteria could be contained in single drop of liquid.
Koala means "no drink" in the Aborigine language.
Minnows have teeth in their throat.
A cubic mile of seawater contains 150 million tons of minerals.
The pressure at the Earth's center is 27,000 tons per square inch.
The only royal palace in the United States is in Honolulu.
A Tyrannosaurus Rex can yield about 450 gallons of gasoline.
The male angler fish permanently attaches himself to the female and becomes absorbed by her body.
Albert Einstein was offered the presidency of Israel.
Louis Pasteur was a germophobe.
The average married woman in seventeenth-century America gave birth to thirteen children.
The hyena gives birth through its clitoris.
A pangram is a sentence that uses all the letters of the alphabet.
(Example: The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog.)
Fingernails are made of a protein called Keratin.
The pin in a door hinge is called a pintle.
If you should dispute any of these facts, show proof of error, and then comment below.
.....GED.....

Wednesday, August 22, 2007

510- THE THEORY

I HAVE BEEN WONDERING WHY THE GOVERNOR IS ACTING SO STUPID ABOUT THE LABOR AND IMMIGRATION BILL AND HIS STUBBORN STANCE AGAINST IT


After a few times mentioning there must be some self serving and greedy motive I finally came to this conclusion. This is just my speculation and is not based on any facts or research, its just a swing in the dark relying on instinct only. Here is my written theory........

MY THEORY ON FITIAL 8/22/2007
I have been wondering for quiet sometime as to why the governor was being so block headed, stubbornly sticking to an absolute defiance of the changes being made by the U.S. Congress on federalizing labor and immigration. Not only arguing against the take-over but not even contributing to the terms and conditions of the bill. As I’ve been saying there must be some deal or some type of personal benefit that he will be losing by having the Fed’s take over the L& I and tonight, however I think I’ve hit on a possible reason for all his stubbornness. Here are my thoughts. Ben Tan and his brother Willie want to start their own small airline company, but with the federal government now watching over L & I, and having to approve all actions of all tourists and foreigners coming and going to and from the CNMI, Fitial would loose a great negotiating power by not having single handed control as how the airlines would operate, dictating who may come and who may go. I can see how this would be a major stumbling block to a free rein of the industry. This could be the possible reason to his defiant, stubborn and total rejection of any control of L & I by anyone other then himself. Herein lays the motive for the course of action he is taking, and the root of that is greed and selfishness. One can easily see through the problems that the Fed’s may cause by taking over L & I, and the amount of power that would be lost by Fitial. Simple when it is laid out in the open, if this not the reason for being block headed then it’s still something of a personal and selfish nature for him to be so vehemently against everything.
Written by:
GLEN DOUTRICH
.....GED.....

509- GOTTA HAVE COFFEE?

FOR ALL YOU COFFEE ADDICTS, A FEW GRINS AS YOU GULP DOWN YOUR THIRD CUP'a JOE
So you need that 'jolt' in the morning, the picker upper, that 'I can't function without my coffee,' yes, you, the one with the mug in your hand right now, Here's to ya!
12 WAYS TO TELL YOU DRINK WAY TOO MUCH COFFEE:
All your kids are named "Joe".
Your only source of nutrition comes from "Sweet & Low."
You don't sweat, you percolate.
You've worn out the handle on your favorite mug.
You forget to unwrap candy bars before eating them.
Every shirt or blouse you own has a coffee stain on it.
You chew on other people's fingernails.
You're offended when people use the word "brew" to mean beer.
Your life's goal is to amount to a hill of beans.
You introduce your spouse as your coffeemate.
Instant coffee takes too long.
You don't even wait for the water to boil anymore.
AND A COUPL'A SHORT JOKES:
Spouse #1: Honey, this coffee tastes like dirt.
Spouse #2: That's not surprising, dear, it was just ground this morning.
"I want you to drink a cup of hot water every morning," prescribed the doctor. "You gotta be kidding, doc," I've been doing that for years, but my wife calls it coffee".
I met someone in the elevator who was drinking coffee and complaining about how coffee made him nervous. I said, "why don't you quit drinking coffee?" He said, "because if I didn't have the shakes I wouldn't get any exercise at all."
Why do the Lakers drink their coffee black? No more KAREEM!
People ask me if I wake up grumpy in the morning....... I reply----No, "I just bring her some coffee" !!!
A lady came into the kitchen, sat down at the table, leaned forward, put her head in her hands and said to her husband, "Honey, I feel terrible! My head hurts, my back's killing me and my left breast just burns and burns." He said "I'm gonna help you, Dear. I'll get you some aspirins for the headache, I'll rub your back with Myoflex for the backache, and if you'll sit up and get your breast out of the coffee, it'll stop burning!"
So are you awake yet? Then have another cup! .....GED.....

508- EXTRA! EXTRA!

'Fishing base', A contest photo.
EXTRA! READ ALL ABOUT IT!

This Friday Aug. 24, 07 during happy hour at the Grand Hotel. The following is from the post of the contest host.
In my last post I mentioned that we are going to announce the winners of the Photo Contest at an event on Friday at Grand Hotel during Happy Hour. The top 10 photographers will get a Beautify CNMI! prize pack and the Grand Prize winner will get a one night stay at Aqua Resort. Thank you, Aqua Resort! This photo contest was put on to raise awareness for the Micronesia Challenge, which is a pledge by the leaders of the Marianas, Guam, Palau, Federated States of Micronesia, and the Republic of the Marshall Islands to Effectively Conserve 30% of our Near Shore Resources and 20% of our Forest Resources by 2020.
Be sure to click on the link to 'Micronesia Challenge' to view some, or maybe all the contest pictures.
Click here FOR MORE INFORMATION
NOW YOU HAVE BEEN INFORMED. .....GED.....

Tuesday, August 21, 2007

507- DUMB JOKES

A FEW IDIOTIC JOKES FOR YOUR SENSE OF HUMOR
Some real corn etc.
How do you get five hundred cows in a barn?... Put up a "Bingo" sign.
What is the difference between Michael Jackson and a grocery bag?... One is made of plastic and is dangerous for children to play with....the other is to carry groceries.
Have you heard about the new sub sandwich being sold at a national foodchain?... It's called the O.J. It's full of bologna, tough to swallow and the stupid people are still buying it!
What's six inches long, two inches wide, and drives women wild?... Money.
Two men are approaching each other on a sidewalk. Both are dragging their right foot as the walk. As they meet, one man looks at the other knowingly, points at his foot and says, "Vietnam, 1969."The other hooks his thumb behind him says, "Dog shit, 20 feet back."
A journalist had done a story on gender roles in Kuwait several years beforethe Gulf War, and she noted then that women customarily walked about 10 feet behind their husbands. She returned to Kuwait recently and observed that the men now walked several yards behind their wives. She approached one of the women for an explanation. "This is marvelous, "said the journalist. "What enabled women here to achieve this reversal of roles?" Replied the Kuwaiti woman: "Land mines."
Have a very nice day! .....GED.....

506- OPEN YOUR EYES!


I KEEP REPEATING THIS MESSAGE HOPING IT WILL EVENTUALLY DO SOME GOOD... BOONIE DOGS, BEACH POLLUTION, MORE TRASH AND THE DISREGARD OF CONSERVATION LAWS.

As you can see I'm not the only one sending this message! Others, too are complaining, even as grand plans are being made to show art work in the airport, this place is just not attractive to tourists anymore. When will our leaders, the MVA, and the comminity deciede something needs to be done to rectify this mess? Do we have to wait until there are NO more tourists to wake up? or is it wait until someone ELSE comes here and does it for us? This seems to be the trend nowdays letting others come here do the things we can't seem to do on our own. Maybe an outbreak of rabies would bring Federal health officials to stop the blatent disregard for unfettered dogs and unsanitary pollution. READ THIS LETTER........If I Were a Tourist: I CANT help but replay the words of the governor to the U.S. House subcommittee — the commonwealth’s primary industry is tourism. Well, if I were a tourist visiting Saipan this weekend, I would have,
• Picked up 33 pieces of trash during a hike. Mind you, none of the trash was mine;
• Saw and tried to feed an emaciated dog with a collar embedded in his neck.
• Tried to enjoy myself at Paupau but was approached by three starving puppies.
- Noticed one pregnant female (dog) trotting around Pau Pau, in addition to numerous other adult dogs in the area;
• Witnessed several large barbeque parties at Sugar Dock, but then I noticed the line of juice boxes, beer and soda cans, and styrofoam bobbing in the water along the shoreline only a few feet from the family barbeques;
• Witnessed a small boat pick up three spear fisherman in the conservation zone just off of Managaha on Saturday.
• Witnessed one commercial boat openly fish in the conservation area on Sunday.
Wow, what a memorable weekend. I’ll be sure to tell of my friends about this place. Maybe they too would like to spend $1,200 on an airplane ticket to experience the wonders of third world America.
KATIE BUSENKELL
Papago, Saipan
Are ya'll getting the message yet? You have been informed again, though I will not rest my case. .....GED.....

505- THE YUCATAN and DEAN

TUESDAY, AUGUST 21st YUCATAN PENINSULA ABOUT TO GET HAMMERED
It is comming. Catagory 5 hurricane, Dean. Batten down the hatches, as they say, this will be a doozie. It's hunker down and wait time in Mexico. I don't envy these people one bit as it brings back some memories of a certain typhoon on Rota, Posonga that totally redirected my life, but I won't go there. I wish god speed to all in the Yucatan..
.....GED.....

Monday, August 20, 2007

504- WHERE IS 'YOURBODY'

IT'S NOT REALLY AS CONFUSING AS IT SOUNDS
That's Not My Job! This is a story told about four people named, Somebody, Everybody, Anybody and Nobody. There was one very important job to be done. Everybody was sure that Somebody would do it, but Nobody did it. Somebody got angry about it because it was Everybody's job. Everybody thought Anybody could do it. Nobody realized that Everybody wouldn't do it. It ended up that Everybody blamed Somebody when Nobody did what Anybody could have done... Now ain't this some confusing shit, when all we really needed was yourbodi.
So now ( you've figured it out, haven't you?) just relax! .....GED.....

503- ALL KIDDIN' ASIDE

SOME REALLY GOOD WORDS OF WISDOM FOR THE BETTERMENT OF YOUR LIFE.
An Inspirational Lesson, Motivational Thoughts...Ten Ways to Worry Less and Accomplish More
1. Don't think of problems as difficulties. Think of them as opportunities for action.
2. After you've done your best to deal with a situation, avoid speculating about the outcome. Forget it and go onto the next thing.
3. Keep busy. Keep the 24 hours of your day filled with these three ingredients: work, recreation, and sleep. Don't allow yourself time for abstract thinking.
4. Don't concern yourself with things you can't do anything about. Armchair generals don't win battles, but they do have nervous breakdowns.
5. For the time being anyway, eliminate daydreaming completely. Stop building air castles.
6. Don't procrastinate. Putting off an unpleasant task until tomorrow simply gives you more time for your imagination to make a mountain out a possible molehill. More time for anxiety to sap your self-confidence. Do it now, brother, do it now.
7. Don't pour woes and anxieties to other people. You don't want their sympathy - it'll merely make it easy for you to feel sorrier for yourself.
8. Get up as soon as you wake up. If you lie in bed, you may use up as much nervous energy living your day in advance as you would in actual accomplishment of the day's work.
9. Try to arrange your schedule so that you will not have to hurry. Hurry, a blood brother to worry, helps shatter poise and self-confidence, and contributes to fear and anxiety.
10. If a project seems too big, break it up into simple steps of action. Then negotiate those steps-link rungs in a ladder...one at a time.
And don't allow yourself to think about the difficulties of step number two until you've executed step number one. What were you worried about this time last year? Can't remember? See doesn't matter now probably wasn't that important then.
.....GED.....

502- SIDE AFFECTS

THE CURE SEEMS TO BE WORSE THEN THE ILLNESS
Just on a whim I decided to look up some side effects to some drug prescriptions and couldn't believe what came up. I typed 'medicines and side effects' hit search and picked a few of the medications on the first page. Here are some amazing results.....
Ativan - generic Lorazepam - which is an antianxiety medication and also a mild tranquilizer and sedative. This prescription drug may be used in the treatment of bipolar disorder. Ativan / Lorazepam Side Effects: Check with your doctor if any of the following side effects continue or are bothersome: Clumsiness or unsteadiness; dizziness or lightheadedness; drowsiness; slurred speech Abdominal or stomach cramps or pain; blurred vision or other changes in vision; changes in sexual desire or ability; constipation; diarrhea; dryness of mouth or increased thirst; false sense of well-being; headache; increased bronchial secretions or watering of mouth; muscle spasm; nausea or vomiting; problems with urination; trembling or shaking; unusual tiredness or weakness
HAVIDOL is for the treatment of Dysphoric Social Attention Consumption Deficit Anxiety Disorder (DSACDAD). It is the only known medication available for this newly recognized disorder. SIDE EFFECTS: As with many medications, there can be side effects. This risk must be balanced with the medical need. Most patients find the benefits outweigh the risks. All people taking medicines have some risk of becoming dependent on the medicine. Consult your doctor about how this may affect you. Adverse events may include: Mood changes, Muscle strain, Extraordinary thinking, Dermal gloss, Impulsivity induced consumption, Excessive salivation, Hair growth, Co-dependency with inanimate objects, Markedly delayed sexual climax, Inter-species communication, Taste perversion, Terminal smile, Oral inflammation, Very rarely users may experience a need to change physicians. ( You won't need any social attention with all this shit going down. You''ll be in deep thought, playing with dildos, talking to monkeys and looking for a sane doctor.. This is wild.)
Concerta is methylphenidate, a mild central nervous system stimulant used in the treatment of attention deficit hyperactivity disorder in children. Common side effects of this medicine: Inability to sleep, nervousness, restlessness, lack of appetite. Dizziness is common. Rise slowly over several minutes from sitting or lying position. Be careful climbing stairs. High blood pressure. Rapid heartbeats, abnormal heartbeats, chest pain or pressure. Other possible effects: Abdominal pain, abnormal heartbeat, abnormal muscular movements, blood pressure changes, chest pain, dizziness, drowsiness, fever, hair loss, headache, hives, jerking, joint pain, loss of appetite, nausea, palpitations (fluttery or throbbing heartbeat), pulse changes, rapid heartbeat, reddish or purplish skin spots, skin reddening, skin inflammation with peeling, skin rash, Tourette's syndrome (severe twitching), weight loss during long-term treatment....
Holy shit, can you believe all this? I was flabbergasted when I read this, just look at some of these side effects, I'd think I'd rather stay sick or crazy, or whatever it is supposed to cure.
.....GED.....

Sunday, August 19, 2007

501- SPORTS QUOTES

SOME NOT SO FAMOUS QUOTES AND SOME NOT TOO BRIGHT CONCLUSIONS

Do you really wonder what were they thinking when these statements rolled off their tongues?

Quotes from Sport Celebrities:
Shaquille O'Neal on whether he had visited the Parthenon during his visit to Greece: "I can't really remember the names of all the clubs that we went to."
New Orleans Saint RB George Rogers when asked about the upcoming season..."I want to rush for 1,000 or 1,500 yards, whichever comes first."
"Nobody in football should be called a genius. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein."- Football commentator and former player Joe Theismann 1996
"You guys pair up in groups of three, then line up in a circle."- Bill Peterson, a Florida State football coach
Boxing promoter Dan Duva on Mike Tyson hooking up again with promoter Don King: "Why would anyone expect him to come out smarter? He went to prison for four years, not Princeton." Shaquille O'Neal, on his lack of championships: "I've won at every level, except college and pro."
Lou Duva, veteran boxing trainer, on the spartan training regime of heavyweight Andrew Golota: "He's a guy who gets up at six o'clock in the morning regardless of what time it is."
1992 - Pat Williams, Orlando Magic general manager, on his team's 7-27 record: "We can't win at home. We can't win on the road. As general manager, I just can't figure out where else to play."
1982 - Chuck Nevitt, North Carolina State basketball player, explaining to coach Jim Valvano why he appeared nervous at practice: "My sister's expecting a baby, and I don't know if I'm going to be an uncle or an aunt."
1981 - Tommy Lasorda, Dodger manager, when asked what terms Mexican-born pitching sensation Fernando Valenzuela might settle for in his upcoming contract negotiations: "He wants Texas back."
1991 - Steve Spurrier, Florida football coach, telling Gator fans that a fire at Auburn's football dorm had destroyed 20 books: "But the real tragedy was that 15 hadn't been colored yet."
1991 - Frank Layden, Utah Jazz president, on a former player: "I told him, 'Son, what is it with you. Is it ignorance or apathy?' He said, 'Coach, I don't know and I don't care.' "
So what say you? .....GED.....

500- 500** 500** 500**


Started: March 19th, '07 day one. Today: August 19th, '07 exactly 5 months, exactly 500 posts.
...IT IS TIME TO CELEBRATE ANOTHER MILESTONE!...
.....GED.....

499- AN EASY QUIZ

TAKE THIS QUIZ HERE
(Allow some download time.)
Choose beginner/easy quiz.
At the bottom choose
'number of questions.'
Click 'Take the selected quiz'
Type in your answers.
Click 'DONE'.
See your results. ......GED......

498- TRY THIS GAME


Double click 'Start New Game' to play.
Solve the game by matching the pictures. Give the computer a moment to download. Below the game there are 'Other Links' click on them to play some other games.
Enjoy... .....GED.....

Saturday, August 18, 2007

497- BUT ON THE OTHER HAND

IT IS WONDERFUL TOO, ALL THE REASONS TO INVEST, VISIT, WORK, LIVE AND WANT TO STAY HERE. THE BRIGHT SIDE OF SAIPAN
1- You will never see a more beautiful sunrise and sunset.
2- There are some of the most awesome scuba and diving spots in the world.
3- There is a tropical garden type environment, filled with floras, birds and underwater sea life.
4- Neat and clean hotels with a huge variety of activities to participate in.
5- Several quality golf courses and other outdoor, fresh air and sun things to do.
6- Ah! Smell the ocean air.
7- Lots of water sports, all accessible to everyone.
8- Come here to see or participate in a variety of sporting events and competitions.
9- Beaches all around the island, all with their own unique characteristics.
10- Beach parties, plenty of places to throw a BBQ.
11- Hiking and nature excursions to see nature at its closest.
12- Many WWII relics, sites and memorials to send a person back to a bygone era.
13- Lots of excellent bars, restaurants, clubs and nightlife to enjoy.
14- Shopping galore DFS, boutiques, island souvenirs, and an array of other shops.
15- Something for the ‘guys’ too.
16- The best part, the people.
17- Enjoy the local traditions, dances, music, food and entertainment.
18- Some of the nicest, friendliest people you will ever meet.
19- A very diverse community, a melting pot of numerous ethnic groups.
20- Hard working, dedicated, and ‘I’ll give you a hand’ attitudes.
21- Under the U.S. flag, U.S dollar, post office, citizens and protection.
Now you make the choice... .....GED.....

496- ISN'T IT WONDERFUL?


ALL THE REASONS NOT TO INVEST, VISIT, WORK, LIVE, AND MOST LIKELY CAUSE YOU TO LEAVE HERE. THE DARK SIDE OF SAIPAN............

1- Our power rates have doubled.
2- There are still blackouts, many unannounced.
3- Our water in unfit for human consumption.
4- A rapidly declining government budget.
5- A government millions of dollars in debt.
6- We have a do nothing incompetent government.
7- The garment industry ( the main source of gov. funding.)....is leaving and for all practical purposes is gone.
8- Airlines have stopped flying here.
9- Tourism is declining rapidly.
10- Families are moving away.
11- Businesses are closing and leaving the island.
12- Students leave for an education and don't return.
13- Schools are dilapidated and overcrowded.
14- Beaches are polluted and trashy.
15- The island looks dumpy and unclean.
16- Thefts and robberies are rampant.
17- Unemployment and welfare is increasing.
18- Roads are unrepaired and full of pot holes.
19- Wages are less then a gallon of gas.
20- Land is locked and therefore unattractive to investors.
21- The economy is in the toilet.
So what do you think? Add your comments to this list.
Tomorrow ...But On The Other Hand, ..watch for it. .....GED.....

495- ACTUAL SIGNS

HERE IS A HUMOROUS LIST OF SIGNS FOUND IN BUSINESSES ACROSS THE COUNTRY

To read them means to see through the underlying interpretation. Have a go at it......
In a New York restaurant: Customers who consider our waitresses uncivil ought to see the manager.
On a long-established New Mexico dry cleaners: 38 years on the same spot.
In a Los Angeles dance hall: Good clean dancing every night but Sunday.
In a Florida maternity ward: No children allowed.
In the offices of a loan company: Ask about our plans for owning your home.
In a New York medical building: Mental Health Prevention Center.
On a Maine shop: Our motto is to give our customers the lowest possible prices and workmanship.
On a display of "I love you only" Valentine cards: Now available in multi-packs.
In the window of a Kentucky appliance store: Don't kill your wife. Let our washing machine do the dirty work.
In a funeral parlor: Ask about our layaway plan.
In a Tacoma, Washington men's clothing store: 15 men's wool suits, $10. They won't last an hour!
Outside a country shop: We buy junk and sell antiques.
In the window of an Oregon store: Why go elsewhere and be cheated when you can come here?
In a Maine restaurant: Open 7 days a week and weekends.
On a radiator repair garage: Best place to take a leak.
On your computer: Best place to enjoy the humor! .....GED.....

494- CUC, MANAGEMENT

CUC.. JUST WHY THE HELL CAN'T YOU GET YOUR SHIT TOGETHER AND OPERATE THE POWER COMPANY LIKE A REAL BUSINESS?
You are making all different kinds of rules and rates for everyone. Residential customers get this rate plus xxxx costs, commercial customers get this rate plus xxxx costs, government gets this rate plus xxxx costs, non conforming customers get this rate plus xxxx costs etc. Next the 'do little' legislature is trying to change the numbers to get the politicians re-elected this year and every other idiot who wants to get his name in the paper is squealing about the rates and offering their own suggested rates. A business operates this simple way ...What does it cost to produce the product, what are the total expenses and what profit do you want to make. You then get a cost structure to establish a billing rate. Its very simple. CUC you sell KWH's they all cost the same to produce, so every one who uses 1 KWH should pay the cost of 1 KWH. There isn't any difference if it goes to a school, a poker room, a government office or a hot water heater in a residence. They are all the same. They all cost you the same to produce no matter where they are used. Therefore they should all cost the same to use. What the hell is so complicated about this? Next you get the silly government throwing out numbers, everyone grabbing a favorite number out of the air with no idea as to what the real cost to produce a KWH really is, no friggin clue, not even CUC has that answer. Lets just swing in the dark and hope we hit something. Is this any way to run a utility company, on total guesstimating?
A simple ass formula... Cost to produce and deliver 1 KWH = $
Therefore 1 KWH should be billed @ 1 $, .... 10 KWH's should be billed @ 10 $. etc..... Across the board.
This is very simple shit why can't you all get it? Just look as this mess....Under the bill's latest version, residential customers will no longer be charged any non-fuel rates for the first 1,000 kwh of power consumed. They will only have to pay the electric fuel rate, which will be pegged at 17.6 cents per kwh initially. The electric fuel rate may fluctuate depending on the actual cost of fuel. However, the bill punishes consumers who do not save electricity. They will pay a non-fuel rate of 44 cents per kwh, plus the variable electric fuel rate of 17.6 cent per kwh.
The flat monthly customer charge, currently at $7.67, will be cut down to $3.50.
The original bill's provisions for business and government customers, as well as non-conforming load, have been deleted......
What the hell does this mumble jumble mean, "Consumers who don't save power get punished"??? Are there power saving police? I'll tell you what it means...They don't have a friggin clue as to what they are doing! Lost in a fog, brain dead, babbling idiots and we are paying out the ass for this... And still have daily power outages! Next it will be rejected by the governor and they will all be left standing there with their thumbs up their asses, wondering what to do next! I'm tired, ask any questions you may have under comments. Good night! .....GED.....

Friday, August 17, 2007

493- THE END OF AN ERA

WHY IS THE GOVERNOR SO BITTER, VINDICTIVE, PISSED-OFF AND GENERALLY LOSING HIS COMPOSURE?
Well I'm gonna try to tell you why. What he sees is an end to the 'good ole boys era' no longer can they bully everything to go their way. He is pissed off because the minimum wage was raised, giving his favorite buddy's, the garment industry a shock, so he says, but it was really NAFTA that ruined them, had nothing to do with the minimum wages. (Now his point of view) Now, damn it, they are gonna take over labor and immigration too, This will really set me back on making my under-the-table deals with investors, cuts me off to do things the way I wanna do 'um. Then there is the 'people' getting tired of my bullshit, that I can't control any more. People like Tina Sablan are getting in the way of my control, telling the 'people' there different choices and different ways, different then mine. My good ole boys club is not in my control anymore. The Covenant party is dissolving right under my nose. Now I'm really pissed, goddamn David Cohen is getting in my way too. Why is he here, stupid guy is stepping on my toes. And those 'illegal aliens,' all 500 of 'um need to be deported, those assholes are getting in my way too. When I go to the hearings with the U.S. Congress I will revert back to the good old way of campaigning. Talk really loud, shout, demand things be given to me and act like an idiot. Boy, if I could only place about 1000 signs along every road coming to this place, everyone would then know who I am, and who is in charge. Poor old me, guess I'll cease to exist. Goddamn it. ....GED....

492- IT ALWAYS HAPPENS

DON'T YOU JUST HATE IT WHEN THESE THINGS HAPPEN TO YOU? YET THEY SEEM TO OCCUR OVER AND OVER AGAIN.
A short list of some of the everyday annoyances that happen from time to time and you just hate it each time it occurs. Here goes, how many of these can you relate to?.....
You have to try on a pair of sunglasses with that stupid little plastic thing in the middle of them.
The elevator stops on every floor and nobody gets on.
There's always a car riding your tail when you're slowing down to find an address.
You open a can of soup, and the lid falls in.
It's bad enough that you step in dog poop, but you don't realize it till you walk across your living room rug.
You can never put anything back in a box the way it came.
You drink from a soda can into which someone has extinguished a cigarette.
You slice your tongue licking an envelope.
You wash a garment with a tissue in the pocket and your entire laundry comes out covered with lint.
The car behind you blasts its horn because you let a pedestrian finish crossing.
The radio station doesn't tell you who sang that song.
People behind you on a supermarket line dash ahead of you to a counter just opening up.
You can't look up the correct spelling of a word in the dictionary because you don't know how to spell it.
You have to inform five different sales people in the same store that you're just browsing.
You had that pen in your hand only a second ago, and now you can't find it.
You reach under the table to pick something off the floor and smash your head on the way up.
Do you have any little pet peeves that you just hate? Click on comments and let me know just what they are. .....GED.....