Sunday, December 16, 2007


Due to financial constraints Christmas will become more efficient and a little less frivolous this year. Here are the steps being put into place...How to accomplish the more efficient days of Christmas:
7- The seven swans a-swimming is obviously a number chosen in better times. Their function is primarily decorative. Mechanical swans are in order. The current swans will be retrained to learn some new strokes and, therefore, enhance their outplacement.
8- As is known, the eight maids-a-milking concept has been under heavy scrutiny by the EEOC. A male/female balance in the workforce is being sought. The more militant maids consider this a dead-end job with no upward mobility. Automation of the process may permit the maids to try a-mending, a-mentoring, or a-mulching.
9- Nine ladies dancing has always been an odd number. This function will be phased out as these individuals grow older and can no longer do the steps.
10- Ten lords-a-leaping is overkill. The high cost of lords plus the expense of international air travel prompted the compensation committee to suggest replacing this group with ten out-of-work congressmen. While leaping ability may be somewhat sacrificed, the savings are significant because there is an oversupply of unemployed congressmen this year.
11- Eleven pipers piping and...
12- Twelve drummers drumming is a simple case of the band getting too big. A substitution with a string quartet, a cutback on new music, and no uniforms, will produce savings which will drop right down to the bottom line. We can expect a substantial reduction in the number of assorted people, fowl, animals, and other expenses.
Though incomplete, studies indicate that stretching deliveries over twelve days is inefficient. If we can drop-ship in a single day, service levels will be improved. Action is pending regarding the lawsuit filed by the Attorney's Association seeking expansion to include the legal profession (thirteen lawyers a-suing).
Lastly, it is not beyond consideration that deeper cuts may be necessary in the future to stay competitive. Should that happen, the Board will request management to scrutinize the Snow White Division to see if seven dwarfs is the right number.
That's all, and to all a good night....
PS..We condensed part 3 and part 4 into one part.

1 comment:

bigsoxfan said...

No internet at home all weekend, and just as I ignited a firestorm with my gore post. The internet company tells my wife, that they are working on the problem which has caused my connection to drop off often. To save the patient we had to remove his brain. Sound Familar? To make matters worse, I have to leave the comfort of home and hearth for a hotel bar in the company of the doctor. Thank the lord, I'm a good cook. Unfortunately, as the missus has noticed, the volume and tenor of my snoring increases in direct proportion to the amount time I spend with the doctor. Love the things not to say to the law post. Btw; what is up with the judge overturning the verdict on the marpac guy. Everyone at Hamiltons last spring were in full aggreement he was quilty. Jury of his peers, hell.