890- A SUMMERY

A BRIEF SUMMERY OF GLEND558, THIS IS THE WAY IT WAS IN 2007

This seems to be the trend, so here goes with the stats and my picks.

<--Click chart

Now I don't know how this stacks up to a worldly blogger like Angelo who is going for a 1,000 hits a day but this is what the 558 did in '07...

Started: 3/19/07,
Duration: 9.25 mo., 40 weeks or 286 days.
Number of posts: 890 or 3.1 per day.
Most comments for one post: 54
Most hits in one day: 144
Total number of visits starting 3/29/07: 10,000 (9976)

Total number of pages read: 20,724
Blogs I view the most: by the number of times I visit, the most enjoyable to read, and are open for discussions.

(I detest comment moderation.)
Judged by frequency of posts, content and viewer comments.
From my link list, in pecking order:
Lil Hammerhead... Simply the best.
Middle Road... Lots of traffic there.
Bigsoxfan... A different world indeed.
Tamara... Spunky when pushed. A great sense of humor.

Brad/Beachboy... Innovative ideas, good material.
Jeff Turbitt... Lot's of opinions, sticks to his guns. Good writer.
Bruce Bateman... Sour Grapes and a little more.
BoReGo/Boni... Just as her title description says.

The Saipan Blog (Angelo)... Means well. Big hit getter. Party post.

Plato... Stirs the pot. Pig headed. lol (when he's here)

Steele0nSaipan... Right on with his opinions. To few posts.

"Whatever"... Good stuff, needs more.

All others are newly added and DNQ yet.

Favorite non blogging commentator: Saipanboonieman.

All links to these posts are in the right hand column.

My hearty and grateful thanks to all you bloggers out there that made my blogging year a lot of fun and for inducing many interesting discussions, debates and ideas. Thanks again.

Now ain't that great, it's 2008.

.....GED.....

889- MORE PARTY TIME

TONIGHT YOU CAN PARTY TILL 4:00 AM

Governor declares it's party time tonight...

Extended sale of alcohol on New Year's OK'd
Gov. Benigno R. Fitial has authorized the sale of alcoholic beverages beyond the 2am cutoff for the New Year's Day festivities. These extended hours are only for the evening of....

Monday, Dec. 31, 2007 'till 4am on Tuesday, Jan. 1, 2008.

So there you have it, straight from the horses mouth. So pace your selves and take a long late night.

Please be careful and use either a cab or designated driver if you 'celebrate' a bit to heartily. Good Cheers to all and play it safe!

.....GED.....

888- THE TOP TEN and a BABY

THE TOP TEN NEW YEAR RESOLUTIONS IN THE U.S.
AND THE BABY

First about the baby:
THE NEW YEAR BABY: The tradition of using a baby to signify the new year has roots in ancient Greece. Early Egyptians also used a baby as a symbol of rebirth. Early Christians tried to stop the tradition of using a baby to symbolize the new year, but its popularity as a symbol of rebirth outlasted the church's attempts to change the tradition. Using an image of a baby with a New Years banner was brought to early America by the Germans.
Whether you make a list or not these top ten resolutions are always on ones mind all during the year as they may be the cornerstones to better living and a more fruitful life.
May you all be blessed.
The list:
1. Spend More Time with Family & Friends:
Recent polls conducted shows that more than 50% of Americans vow to appreciate loved ones and spend more time with family and friends this year.
2. Fit in Fitness:
The evidence is in for fitness. Regular exercise has been associated with more health benefits than anything else known to man.
3. Tame the Bulge:
Over 66 percent of adult Americans are considered overweight or obese by recent studies, so it is not surprising to find that weight loss is one of the most popular New Year's resolutions.
4. Quit Smoking:
If you have resolved to make this the year that you stamp out your smoking habit consider this, even if you've tried to quit before and failed, don't let it get you down. On average, smokers try about four times before they quit for good.
5. Enjoy Life More:
Given the hectic, stressful lifestyles of millions of Americans, it is no wonder that "enjoying life more" has become a popular resolution in recent years.
6. Quit Drinking:
While many people use the New Year as an incentive to finally stop drinking, most are not equipped to make such a drastic lifestyle change all at once.
7. Get Out of Debt:
Was money a big source of stress in your life last year? It's a promise that will repay itself many times over in the year ahead.
8. Learn Something New:
Have you vowed to make this year the year to learn something new? You'll find education to be one of the easiest, most motivating New Year's resolutions to keep.
9. Help Others:
A popular, non-selfish New Year's resolution, volunteerism can take many forms.
10. Get Organized:
On just about every New Year resolution top ten list, organization can be a very reasonable goal.

Are any of these on your list? None are on mine 'cause I didn't make a list! Actually the list is every ones quest in life, mine too.

So to all a prosperous 2008.
.....GED.....

887- NEED-UPPP

STRAIGHT FROM THE LILY PAD NEWS

Bullfrogs and Blowjobs
A woman went into a store to buy her husband a pet for his birthday. After looking around, she found that all the pets were very expensive. She told the clerk she wanted to buy a pet, but she didn't want to spend a fortune.
"Well," said the clerk, "I have a very large bullfrog. They say it's been trained to give blowjobs!" "Blowjobs!" the woman replied. "It hasn't been proven but we've sold 30 of them this month," he said. The woman thought it would be a great gag gift, and what if it's true...no more blowjobs for her! She bought the frog. When she explained froggy's ability to her husband, he was extremely skeptical and laughed it off. The woman went to bed happy, thinking she may never need to perform this less than riveting act again.
In the middle of the night, she was a wakened by the noise of pots and pans flying everywhere, making hellacious banging and crashing sounds. She ran downstairs to the kitchen, to find her husband and the frog reading cookbooks and furiously working at the stove with many pots and pans.
"What are you two doing at this hour?" she asked.
The husband replied, "If I can teach this frog to cook, your ass is gone."
A slow humor day...
.....GED.....

886- A LESSON IN LIFE

DON'T QUIT ALL THE GOOD STUFF

Here's why:
The Bum Rap
A man walking in the city was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby bum, who asked him for a couple of dollars for dinner. The man took twenty dollars out of his pocket, and asked, "If I gave you this money, would you take it and buy whiskey?"

"No, I stopped drinking years ago," the bum said. "Would you use it to gamble?" "I don't gamble - I need anything I can get just to stay alive." "Would you go to a hooker?" "Absolutely not! I haven't had sex since my dear wife died in '93." "Would you use the money for greens fees at a golf course?" "Are you nuts? I haven't played golf for 20 years!"
The man said, "I'm not going to give you $20.00. Instead, I'm going to bring you to my home for a terrific dinner cooked by my wife." The bum was astounded. "Won't your wife be furious with you for doing that? I know I'm dirty, and I probably smell lousy." The man replied, "That's OK- I just want her to see what happens to a man who's given up drinking, gambling, sex and playing golf!"
It's the better things in life that count the most!
.....GED.....

885- THE PASTORS ASS

THE STORY AS REPORTRED BY THE HEADLINES

Father Kelly's Donkey
A pastor wanted to raise money for his church and, on being told there was a fortune in horse racing, decided to buy one and enter it in the races. However, at the local auction, the going price for a horse was so high that he ended up buying a donkey instead. He thought that since he had it he might as well go ahead and entered it in the race and, much to his surprise, the donkey came in third.

The next day the local paper carried this headline:
PASTOR'S ASS SHOWS

The pastor was so pleased with the donkey that he entered it in the race again, and this time it won.

The local paper read:
PASTOR'S ASS OUT FRONT

The Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the pastor not to enter the donkey in another race.

The next day, the local paper headline read:
BISHOP SCRATCHES PASTOR'S ASS

This was too much for the Bishop, so he ordered the pastor to get rid of the donkey. The pastor decided to give it to a nun in a nearby convent.

The local paper posted the following headline the next day:
NUN HAS BEST ASS IN TOWN

The Bishop fainted. He informed the nun that she would have to get rid of the donkey, so she sold it to a farmer for ten dollars.

The next day, the paper read:
NUN SELLS ASS FOR $10

This was too much for the Bishop, so he ordered the nun to buy back the donkey and lead it to the plains where it could run wild.

Headlines read:
NUN ANNOUNCES HER ASS IS NOW WILD AND FREE

The Bishop was buried the next day.

So you see, you only need to look out for your own ass and don't worry about other peoples asses!

.....GED.....

884- PULLING WEEDS

OUT WITH THE WEEDS, DISCARD THE TRASH, GOOD RIDDANCE TO BAD RUBBISH

Here is what I'm talking about.....
Labor: Most businesses closing because of wage increase
MOST if not all of the notices of closures that the Department of Labor has received from companies this year cited the increase in minimum wage as the main reason for shutting down, according to Labor administrator Rose Ada-Hocog.
Since early this year, she added, Labor has received 150 notices of closures and these do not include garment factories. She said the notices cite the federally mandated wage increase, the first phase of which took effect on July 25 and raised the minimum $3.05 hourly rate to $3.55.
The other factors that were mentioned included the rising cost of production, slow down of sales, and the continuously increasing energy and shipping costs.
This is bullshit spewed forth by losers and oppressors...
So the wage went up from $3.05 to $3.55, this amount is approximately a 16+% increase. Power rates in the interim have doubled, that's a 100% increase. Gasoline has doubled, that's a 100% increase. Sales have slowed everywhere, so why blame the wage increases only? These bottom feeders would have kicked the bucket anyway without a wage increase but are sadistically using the increases to spread resentment toward any type of financial improvements made toward the lowest wage earners. I say, "don't let the door hit you on the ass on the way out!"

So why is the labor department trying to blame the smallest of increases as the culprit of these businesses closing? Any business that can't afford a 16% increase in wages after over 10 years of repression needs to be gotten rid of. These are the scumbags of the economy, the abusers of human rights, the perpetrators of oppression. Thank goodness these low-lifers are squashed out of the picture and sent packing. These despicable businesses are not needed to carry out the economic development of anything, anytime, anywhere. Good riddance...
.....GED.....

883- TAX REBATES

FINALLY, SOME TAX REBATES ARE COMING

Due to a tax settlement with the US IRS tax system you might finally be getting your long overdue tax rebate.

There was $26 million sent to the CNMI in what they call 'cover-over funds.' I'll not try to explain this arrangement, but if you are owed an overdue refund/rebate you should be seeing some money in the mail soon.

Be very sure your current address is the same as the one that was on the tax forms when you filed them, if not, be sure to get your current address updated with finance (DOF) or they won't make it into your wallet.

What refreshing news for all who have been waiting so long for a little financial boost. Well here it is, Happy New Year!

However, how much of this $26 million actually reaches the wallets of the public is yet to be seen. This could be a tempting situation for the governor to frivolously spend an amount of these funds, I surely hope he sees fit to rebate them rather then to waste them.

I think, there is $32/$34 million owed in rebates so all won't be covered by this $26 million but it will pay a big chunk if dispersed for the right purposes, your rebates... And last but not least... Remember, never get in the position to have the government owe you again!

Happy New Year!

.....GED.....

882- A FEW FOR Y'A

HAVE A HAPPY GRIN TODAY

Reasons To Smile

Now that food has replaced sex in my life, I can't even get into my own pants.

Marriage changes passion. Suddenly you're in bed with a relative.

I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with "Guess" on it. So I said "Implants?" She hit me.

How come we choose from just two people to run for president and over fifty for Miss America?

A good friend will come and bail you out of jail... but, a true friend will be sitting next to you saying, "Wow...that was fun!"

I signed up for an exercise class and was told to wear loose-fitting clothing. If I HAD any loose-fitting clothing, I wouldn't have signed up in the first place!

When I was young we used to go "skinny dipping," now I just go "chunky dunkin."

Don't argue with an idiot; people watching may not be able to tell the difference.

Wouldn't it be nice if whenever we messed up our life we could simply press 'Ctrl Alt Delete' and start all over? AMEN, AMEN !!

Why is it that our children can't read a Bible in school, but they can in prison?

Wouldn't you know it... Brain cells come and brain cells go, but FAT cells live forever.

Why do I have to swear on the Bible in court when the Ten Commandments cannot be displayed outside?

Bumper sticker of the year: "If you can read this, thank a teacher, and, since it's in English, thank a soldier"

And remember: life is like a roll of toilet paper. The closer it gets to the end, the faster it goes.

Later...

A three-year-old boy was examining his testicles while taking a bath. "Mom," he asked . . . "are these my brains?"

"Not yet"

Childhood Horrors...

A father asked his ten-year-old son if he knew about the birds and the bees. "I don't want to know!" the child said, bursting into tears. "Promise me you won't tell me! "Confused, the father asked what was wrong. The boy sobbed, "When I was six, I got the 'there's no Santa' speech. At seven, I got the 'there's no Easter Bunny' speech. When I was eight, you hit me with the 'there's no Tooth Fairy' speech. If you're going to tell me that grownups don't really get laid, I'll have nothing left to live for!"

Girls night out...

The other night I was invited out for a night with "the girls." I told my husband that I would be home by midnight, "I promise! "Well, the hours passed and the margaritas went down way too easy. Around 3 a.m., a bit loaded, I headed for home. Just as I Got in the door, the cuckoo clock in the hall started up and cuckooed 3 times. Quickly, realizing my husband would probably wake up, I cuckooed another 9 times. I was really proud of myself for coming up with such a quick-witted solution, in order to escape a possible conflict with him. (Even when totally smashed...3 cuckoos plus 9 cuckoos totals 12 cuckoos = MIDNIGHT!) The next morning my husband asked me what time I got in, and I told him "Midnight". He didn't seem pissed off at all. Whew! Got Away with that one! Then he said, "We need a new cuckoo clock." When I asked him why?, he said, "Well, last night our clock cuckooed three times, then said, "Oh. shit.", cuckooed 4 more times, cleared it's throat, cuckooed another 3 times, giggled, cuckooed twice more, and then tripped over the coffee table and farted."

Y'a can't fool 'um all the time...

.....GED.....

881- LAME, LAZY POLITICIANS

WHATEVER IS WRONG WITH THESE INCOMPETENT POLITICIANS

As predicted they can't even file a report with free help. Read it here...
24 Bets Miss Filing Deadline
One political party and a third of the candidates who ran in the Nov. 3 midterm election missed the Monday deadline for filing campaign finance reports. Public Auditor Michael Sablan said only 50 of the 74 candidates had filed their statements of account. These include 31 of the 46 candidates for House of Representatives, seven of the 10 for the Senate, nine of the 13 for the municipal councils, and three of the five for the Board of Education. Of the 24 who have not filed, at least 10 have been granted an extension as of 1pm Monday. Sablan also said that one of the three local political parties had not complied with the requirement.
OPA has provided free technical help and notary service to candidates filing campaign finance reports. OPA staff also made numerous phone calls to filers over the past three weeks to remind them of their responsibility.
Irresponsible and pig headed, these people should all be barred from ever running again. You know they won't pay the stupid little fine and can't give a damn about the rules and requirements, these 'above the law' assholes. What makes them think they don't have to be accountable? These people should be barred and never allowed to participate in running for any official office ever again. I think that would perk up their dumb asses to get with the program. I predicted this would happen, not because I'm a future seer but because this is a regular occurrence after every election and they still continue to do it every election.

So this is no surprise... Read the following post
Post # 837... A Very Simple Thing..
A quote from this post...
Now how much do you wanna bet there are winners and losers who can't figure this out. Just watch how the people who want to run this community can't even file their campaign finance reports. Watch this, it will happen I guarantee it.
And here it is!!!!
So what should be done to these blatant lawbreakers? Jail until paid? Wanna be lawmakers turned lawbreakers...
Just another abuse of this warped style of incompetent leadership, and asshole politicians. Aren't you just sick and tired of this bullshit?..
.....GED.....

880- RESOLUTIONS FOR 2008

SIMPLE RESOLUTIONS

Are you sick of making the same resolutions year after year and yet you never keep them?
Here are some resolutions that you can actually accomplish!
10. Read less.
9. Attempt to gain weight. Put on at least 30 pounds.
8. Stop exercising. Waste of time.
7. Watch more TV. You've been missing some good stuff.
6. Procrastinate more.
5. Drink. Then drink some more.
4. Start being superstitious.
3. Spend more time at work, blogging.
2. Stop bringing lunch from home: You should eat out more.

And last but not least...
1. Take up a new habit: maybe _______. <-(add your choice here) Happy new year!
.....GED.....

879- OFFICE POLICY

THE RULES OF RAISES

Company Raises:
This was found hanging on the Board in the lunchroom
TO ALL EMPLOYEES:
It is advised that you should come to work dressed according to your salary:

1. If we see you wearing $400 Prada shoes and carrying a $800 Gucci bag, we assume you are doing well financially and therefore you do not need a raise.
2. If you dress poorly, you need to manage your money better, so that you may buy nicer clothes, therefore you do not need a raise.
3. If you dress just right, you are right where you need to be and therefore do not need a raise.
Sick Days
We will no longer accept a doctor's excuse as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.
Personal Days
Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called Saturday and Sunday.
Bereavement Leave
This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-workers. Every effort should be made to have non-employees attend to the arrangements. In rare cases, where the employee involvement is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one hour early.
Toilet Use
Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit in the stalls. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the stall door will open, and a picture will be taken. After your second offense, your picture will be posted on the company bulletin board under the "Chronic Offenders Category". Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sectioned under the company's mental health policy!
Lunch Break
Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they need to eat more so they can look healthy. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch, to get a balanced meal to maintain their average figure. Fat people get 5 minutes lunch, because that is all the time needed to drink a Slim-fast.
Thank you for your loyalty to our company.
We are here to provide a positive employment experience. Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplations, consternation, and input should be directed elsewhere.
Thanks...

Human Resources

.....GED.....

878- THE FINGER

WHAT YOU ALWAYS WANTED TO KNOW ABOUT THE BIRD

History of the Middle finger salute:

Well, now......here's something I never knew before, and now that I know it, I feel compelled to relate it to my more intelligent friends in the hope that they, too, will feel edified. Isn't history fun?

Giving the Finger

Before the Battle of Agincourt in 1415, the French, anticipating victory over the English, proposed to cut off the middle finger of all captured English soldiers. Without the middle finger it would be impossible to draw the renowned English longbow and therefore they would be incapable of fighting in the future. This famous weapon was made of the native English Yew tree, and the act of drawing the longbow was known as "plucking the yew" (or "pluck yew").

Much to the bewilderment of the French, the English won a major upset and began mocking the French by waving their middle fingers at the defeated French, saying, "See, we can still pluck yew! "PLUCK YEW! "Since 'pluck yew' is rather difficult to say, the difficult consonant cluster at the beginning has gradually changed to a labiodental fricative 'F', and thus the words often used in conjunction with the one-finger-salute! It is also because of the pheasant feathers on the arrows used with the longbow that the symbolic gesture is known as "giving the bird."

And yew thought yew knew everything!

Got any questions?

.....GED.....

877- DO YOU KNOW SHIT

JUST WHEN WE THINK WE KNOW IT ALL, WE COME TO FIND OUT WE DON'T EVEN KNOW SHIT...

Here's the proof, as they say, in the 'pudding'.
A stranger was seated next to a little girl on the airplane when the stranger turned to her and said, "Let's talk. I've heard that flights go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger." The little girl, who had just opened her book, closed it slowly and said to the stranger, "What would you like to talk about?'' "Oh, I don't know", said the stranger. "How about nuclear power?'' "OK," she said."That could be an interesting topic. But let me ask you a question first.

A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat grass, the same stuff. Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty, and a horse produces clumps of dried grass. Why do you suppose that is?" The stranger thinks about it and says, "Hmmm, I have no idea." To which the little girl replies, "Do you really feel qualified to discuss nuclear power when you don't even know shit?"
I'll ask you again. Do YOU know shit?
.....GED.....
PS.. Thanks to, Mark S.

876- WHAT WERE YOU THINKING

ONE GREAT BIG OOPS!

Why I Fired My Secretary!
Birthday Suits! I'm wearing mine, are you gonna wear yours?
Last week was my birthday and I didn't feel very well waking up that morning. I went downstairs for breakfast hoping my wife would be pleasant and say, "Happy Birthday!", and possibly have a present for me. As it turned out, she barely said good morning, let alone "Happy Birthday. "I thought... Well, that's marriage for you, but the kids will remember. My kids came in to breakfast and didn't say a word. So when I left for the office, I felt pretty low and somewhat despondent.

As I walked into my office, my secretary Jane said, "Good Morning Boss, Happy Birthday!" It felt a little better that at least someone had remembered. I worked until one o'clock and then Jane knocked on my door and said, "You know, it's such a beautiful day outside, and it's your birthday, let's go out to lunch, just you and me." I said, "Thanks Jane, that's the greatest thing I've heard all day. Let's go!
"We went to lunch. But we didn't go where we normally would go. We dined instead at a little place with a private table. We had two martinis each and I enjoyed the meal tremendously. On the way back to the office, Jane said, "You know, it's such a beautiful day... We don't need to go back to the office, do we?" I responded,

"I guess not. What do you have in mind?" She said, "Let's go to my apartment." After arriving at her apartment, Jane turned to me and said, "Boss, if you don't mind, I'm going to step into the bedroom for a moment. I'll be right back." "OK." I nervously replied. She went into the bedroom and, after a couple of minutes, she came out carrying a huge birthday cake ... Followed by my wife, kids, and dozens of my friends and co-workers, all singing "Happy Birthday".

And I just sat there... On the couch... Naked.

Let this be a warning, don't get too yancy!

.....GED.....

875- AN AMAZING ILLUSION

^Double^ click... VERY INTERESTING!

.....GED.....

874- THE COUNTRY OF STaR

STaR is: SAIPAN, TINIAN and ROTA

Mind ramblings:
Having heard the idiotic suggestion of Stanley TLC* Torres about his desire for the CNMI to become an lonely independent country, I decided to look into some of the things that would need to be, among many, many things, named, designed and printed.
First there would need to be a name chosen for the country, which I took the privilege to suggest. We'll call it, for the time being, The Country of STaR. (Saipan, Tinian and Rota)
Next there would be passports needed for the country of STaR. They would have to be designed and printed probably in the Chamorro language. These would be unreadable around the world, and everyone would ask, "where the hell is STaR?" while gazing skyward. Therefore all people from STaR would now be aliens in every country in the world. Good luck shopping in Guam, attending schools in the US and taking junkets or trips to Hawaii and the mainland. You know, you would be an outsider, looking in, kinda like the way some people are made to feel right here.
Then comes currency, we'll call it the 'Torres' backed by the coconut reserve. What you know now as a 'U.S. dollar' would be a 'STaR Torres,' equal to the value of a coconut. This would have to be designed, printed, and coconuts collected and reserved.
Now we come to the matter of postage and stamps. After developing a postal service there would need to be a STaR postage stamp, This would need to be designed and printed also, may I suggest Stanley's face on the front, so every time you lick the back of it you could be considered kissing his ass in loving thanks.
Don't forget STaR food stamps while we're still on the subject of stamps. These would also have to be named, designed and printed. Shall we call them the STaR-anti-STaRvation coupons. These would be, for all sakes and purposes, useless except they would, however, be redeemable for a few reserved coconuts.
Now I've only touched on things to be named, designed and printed, But wait until you have to design the uniforms for your military and coast guard that should be fun. Then there is the matter of a flag for the country of STaR, that could be neat to do.
Starting with this just let your imagination run wild with all the nice new things you could do with your own new country..
Best of Luck...
.....GED.....
*TLC- The Loose Cannon

873- SOME TRIVIA AND TIDBITS

ASSORTED BITS OF HUMOR

Here goes.....

If you are choking on an ice cube, don't panic. Simply pour a cup of boiling water down your throat and presto, the blockage will be almost instantly removed.

Avoid arguments with the Mrs. about lifting the toilet seat by simply using the sink.

If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives, then you will be afraid to cough.

Clumsy? Avoid cutting yourself while slicing vegetables by getting someone else to hold them while you chop away.

For high blood pressure sufferers: simply cut yourself and bleed for a few minutes, thus reducing the pressure in your veins. Remember to use a timer.

A mouse trap, placed on top of your alarm, will prevent you from rolling over and going to sleep after you hit the snooze button.

Have a bad toothache? Smash your thumb with a hammer and you will forget about the toothache.

Sometimes, we just need to remember what the rules of life really are: You only need two tools: WD-40 and Duct Tape. If it doesn't move and should, use the WD-40. If it shouldn't move and does, use the duct tape.

And next.....

Dear Abby:

My husband is a liar and a cheat. He has cheated on me from the very beginning, and when I confront him, he denies everything. What's worse, every one knows he cheats on me. It is so humiliating. Also, he's been out of work for the past four years and has not even looked for a new job since. All he does is smoke cigars, and cruise around with his pals, while I have to work to pay the bills. Since our daughter went away to college, he does not even pretend to like me...and hints that I am a lesbian. What should I do??

Signed, Clueless
Dear Clueless:

Grow up and dump him. For Pete's sake, you don't need him anymore... You're a United States Senator from New York. Act like one!

ABBY

On a final note.....

In Pharmacology, all drugs have two names, a trade name and genericname.

For example, the trade name of Tylenol also has a generic name of Acetaminophen. Aleve is also called Naproxen. Amoxil is also called Amoxicillin and Advil is also called Ibuprofen.

The FDA has been looking for a generic name for Viagra. After careful consideration by a team of government experts, it recently announced that it has settled on the generic name of Mycoxafloppin. Also considered were mycoxafailin, Mydixadrupin, Mydixarizin, Dixafix, and of course, Ibepokin. Pfizer Corp. announced today that VIAGRA will soon be available in liquid form, and will be marketed by Pepsi Cola as a power beverage suitable for use as a mixer. It will now be possible for a man to literally pour himself a stiff one. Obviously we can no longer call this a soft drink, and it gives new meaning to the names of "cocktails", "highballs" and just a good old-fashioned "stiff drink." Pepsi will sell the new concoction by the name of: "MOUNT & DO."

Have a good day...

.....GED.....

872- KICKED IN THE BALLS, AGAIN

GOVERNMENT STILL NOT DONE KICKING 'UM IN THE BALLS

Is this supposed to be a ongoing game to see how many times you can get kicked in the balls and keep on bouncing...

Let me show you the next phase in this stupid game...
'397 Could Keep Gov Jobs'

.

Gov. Benigno R. Fitial announced yesterday that Saipan employees could keep their jobs, as the island's lawmakers have pledged to raise funds for their salaries. The Saipan and Northern Islands Legislative Delegation is expected to meet next week. They will act on a bill to reprogram some $2.5 million from recent appropriations to cover the cost of keeping the employees on the payroll.
I suppose they will find the money in the same gold mine they found the money they promised to use to subsidise the power rates. Didn't they promise that before the elections? Didn't you hear that too? So I guess this will go down the same bullshit lined street the subsidy went.
I guess they might think it's funny to put these people through this same ordeal again in the next three months, kinda a sick joke, don't you think? Didn't they say they needed the gaming bill to pass to afford keeping these employees, didn't you hear that too? So I'm guessing that was an outright lie!
You see I have no stake in these employees and they probably aren't really needed in the whole overall scheme of things but the governor is showing just what an idiot he is by doing this.
If he does this to them then no one is immune from his flip-flopping, knee jerking on any number of things. What way to run a government! Now your in, now your out, we have no money, we now have some, We don't have money but we'll find some. You have a job now, now you're gone. Does he need these people or not? Is this some sadistic amusing game to him to keep fucking with people? Whats up with this? Bitter and getting more badder.
Let me hear what you think is the cause of the governors seemly loss of conscience.
.....GED.....

871- GIRLFRIEND UPDATED

PROGRAMMING YOUR 'PERSONAL' COMPUTER

Girlfriend v1 Update
I'm currently running the latest version of GirlFriend and I've been having some problems lately. I've been running the same version of Drinking Buddies 1.0 forever as my primary application, and all the GirlFriend releases I've tried have always conflicted with it. I hear that DrinkingBuddies runs fine as long as GirlFriend is run in background mode and the sound is turned off. Unfortunately, I can't find the switch to turn the sound off. Therefore, I have to run both of them separately. GirlFriend also seems to have a problem coexisting with my Golf program, often trying to abort Golf with some sort of timing incompatibility. On a positive note, DrinkingBuddies and Golf seem to have no incompatibilities whatsoever. I probably should have stayed with GirlFriend 1.0, but I thought I might see better performance from GirlFriend 2.0.
After months of conflicts and other problems, I consulted a friend who has had experience with GirlFriend 2.0. He said I probably didn't have enough cache to run GirlFriend 2.0, and eventually it would require a Token Ring to run properly. He was right - as soon as I purged my cache, and realized that no one in their right mind is installing new Token Rings, Girlfriend 2.0 uninstalled itself. Shortly after that, I installed GirlFriend 3.0 beta. Unfortunately, there was a bug in the program and the first time I used it, it gave me a virus. I had to clean out my whole system and shut down for a while.
I very cautiously upgraded to GirlFriend 4.0. This time I used a SCSI probe first and also installed a virus protection program. It worked okay for a while until I discovered that GirlFriend 1.0 was still in my system. I tried running GirlFriend 1.0 again with GirlFriend 4.0 still installed, but GirlFriend 4.0 has a feature I didn't know about that automatically senses the presence of any other version of GirlFriend and communicates with it in some way. This results in the immediate removal of both versions.
The version I have now works pretty well, but there are still some problems. Like all versions of GirlFriend, it is written in some obscure language I can't understand, much less reprogram. Frankly I think there is too much attention paid to the look and feel rather than the desired functionality. Also, to get the best connections with your hardware, you usually have to use gold-plated contacts. And I've never liked how GirlFriend is "object-oriented."
A year ago, a friend of mine upgraded his version of GirlFriend to GirlFriendPlus 1.0, which is a Terminate and Stay Resident version of GirlFriend. He discovered that GirlFriendPlus 1.0 expires within a year if you don't upgrade to Fiancee 1.0. So he did, but soon after that, he had to upgrade to Wife 1.0, which he describes as a huge resource hog. It has taken up all his space...he can't load anything else. One of the primary reasons he decided to go with Wife 1.0 was because it came supposedly came bundled with a feature called FreeSexPlus.
Well, it turns out the resource requirements of Wife 1.0 sometimes prohibits access to FreeSexPlus...particularly the new Plug-Ins he wanted to try. On top of that, Wife 1.0 must be running on a well warmed-up system before he can do anything. Although he did not ask for it, Wife 1.0 came with MotherInLaw which has an automatic pop-up feature he can't turn off. I told him to try installing Mistress 1.0, but he said he heard if you try to run it without first uninstalling Wife 1.0, Wife 1.0 will delete MSMoney files before uninstalling itself. Then Mistress 1.0 won't install because of insufficient resources.
Did you get all that? If not go to reread 2.5 and restart...

.....GED.....

870- "IT'LL RUIN THE ECONOMY"

THE FAMILIAR CRY OF THE DO NOTHING GOVERNOR

Others see it as already ruined
Senator Says People Disillusioned With Fitial Administration
A SENATOR who is also the party mate of the governor says the people are already disillusioned by the administration’s failure to revive the islands’ tourism-based economy more than two years after it was sworn in.
Well, someone is finally seeing the light that this existing government is a total failure. I remember the promises of how the Lt. governor would have run the government because the governor, himself, would be so busy getting new investors that he wouldn't have the time for anything else, do you remember this too?
Senate Floor Leader Felix Mendiola, Covenant-Rota, said he and the people of the CNMI are still waiting for the “better times” promised by Gov. Benigno R. Fitial. But Press Secretary Charles P. Reyes Jr. said “things don’t happen overnight” and added that the CNMI has seen new investments in the past two years — Kumho Asiana, Emmanuel College and Loyola University.
I'm taking it that this wishy-washy government was more of a stumbling block to these efforts and were not instrumental to them happening at all. Charles, a two year night?, did we just have a two year night? I'll be guessing the next two years will remain in this same long nightmare.
“I am disillusioned because we’re not seeing our economy moving forward,” Mendiola told Variety. “Where’s the pozzolan industry now and the other investments that they promised?” The administration earlier rejected JG Sablan’s proposal to mine the pozzolan deposits on the northern island of Pagan. A scientific expedition was sent on Pagan but the request for proposals inviting bidders to mine the volcanic ash used as additive for cement-making didn’t push through.
The whole pozzolan industry is a lost cause thanks to a certain special interest group desiring not to get a bad deal got exactly what they wanted, no 'greedy' company got to make a bad deal for the CNMI instead they got a no deal. But is a get absolutely nothing deal the best choice?

“We’re not addressing the ills of our economy,” Mendiola said. “Politicking should be set aside. There’s no time for indifference. We have to move ahead…with one voice, one direction." Reyes said the administration respects the senator’s opinion.“We have already outlined our plans for economic recovery,” he said. “Things are still happening. But we don’t want to have poor relations with the Senate. We don’t want to destroy ourselves politically.”
And just where are these secret mysterious plans?
Well tootle loo. Cry me a river and wring your hands. What does the relationship with the senate have to do with the administrations failures? Is it because the senate won't accept a railroaded, crammed down the throat gaming bill, from a governor who said, "I'll never support casinos on Saipan until Tinian is complete" that you wanted to rush bullheaded through the Senate using 400 employees as pawns, is that the reason it's their fault?
Well, we'll just have to wait until the upcoming federalization and the piddly wage increases to really ruin the economy won't we? Due to the fact that federalization will impede the governors uncanny ability to attract investors, the future is even bleaker then the present according to the "it'll ruin the economy" governor Fitial.
Admit it this govermnent is a loser so stop trying to made excuses for it. Just let it burn...
.....GED.....

869- AN ENGLISH LESSON

EXPLAINING THE MEANING OF 'WRITHE'

WRITHE: VERB: writhed , writh·ing , writhes
VERB: intr.
To twist, as in pain, struggle, or embarrassment.
To move with a twisting or contorted motion.
To suffer acutely.
VERB: tr.
To cause to twist or squirm; contort.
Now that you understand the word I will use it to explain how your government treats you.
To all you 397 employees who were left to writhe in the wind while the government played games with you, Get angry! The Governor and the House put you out to writhe while they tried to get the things they wanted, forget about the voters choices, this was their choices. They wanted, for their own personal gain, Casino Gaming at the La Fiesta mall and put your jobs, futures and dignity on the line for their own selfish reasons, don't you see through this yet?

If you can see through this you gotta tell them about it. Tell them to go to hell and to kiss your asses, how many times do I have to tell you this until you understand it? I think by the lack of 'comments' you don't get it, don't understand it or are just plain pussys. Are you to timid to speak out and stand up for your own dignity? You must let them know that you know!

Leila Staffler understands it, how about you? See post #864
When will you stop taking this shit anyway? Please let me know or I'll stop even mentioning it anymore.
.....GED.....

868- GLOATING and DROOLING

SORRY GREEDY SELFISH PEOPLE

This describes the Fitial administration's response to the resignation of a good man...

Mr. David Cohen...
Listen to them gloat and drool.. Story Here

Administration: 'Opportunity' in Cohen's resignation

U.S. Interior Deputy Assistant Secretary for Insular Affairs David Cohen’s resignation, which takes effect on Jan. 31, 2008, is seen by the Fitial administration as an opportunity to improve its ties with the federal government.
What a sadistic bunch of selfish people. Anyone not totally agreeing with, kissing their asses or totally doing everything they want won't be considered a friend either.
Press Secretary Charles Reyes Jr. yesterday said the administration regrets that the Bush administration’s key official in-charge of insular areas like the CNMI did not agree with their anti-federalization stand.
Whatever makes you think the next person appointed to the position will be on your side anyway? Do you think the Federal government will send someone that don't agree with the feds decision to federalize the labor and immigration?
“We also regret that Mr. Cohen was not able to establish a better working relationship with the CNMI government. We would have appreciated a more cordial and constructive relationship based on trust, good faith, and goodwill,” said Reyes in an e-mail.
Do you suppose that any negotiations other then a bullheaded stance totally against everything would have made anyone more friendlier and cooperative?
He added, “With Mr. Cohen’s departure, we look forward to a fresh start with Interior. We would certainly appreciate a more positive and constructive relationship with the Office of Insular Affairs under a different, more capable, reasonable, and responsible leadership — one that genuinely respects the needs of our islands.”
A fresh start with your same old headbutting rhetoric will get you nowhere, you will end up in the same sinking ship you are now in, but things could even get worse if the new guy is easier to piss off then the amicable Mr. Cohen was. Watch what you wish for and stop gloating and drooling 'cause the next guy won't be any different, in fact he could even tougher then Cohen. How about someone like Al Staymen for the replacement?. You don't appreciate a good thing until its gone!
.....GED.....

867- SLAM DUNK

GAMING BILL DEAD--DEFEATED 8-0 IN THE SENATE

Cooler heads prevailed, as I predicted... Bravo to all the Senators!
The Senate voted to sink the Saipan gaming bill 8-0. Jobs may be lost. Tinian investor encouraged by this move. Governor blames Senate for job losses. The job loss threat was only a ploy... Didn't work.. Sorry.. More later..

Prediction- 12/9/07.. Post # 838: "I will guarentee this will not pass the Senate, won't even get a 1/3 vote, wait and watch.." Another gaming bill, DOA..

Guess who was the 'odd' man out.. See comments for the answer.

.....GED.....

866- WHEN WE WERE KIDS

TO ALL THE KIDS WHO SURVIVED THE '50's, '60's and '70's !!

Makes a person kind'a wonder how we made it through all this stuff...
*First, we survived being born to mothers who smoked and/or drank while they carried us.
*They took aspirin, ate blue cheese dressing, tuna from a can, and didn't get tested for diabetes.
*Then after that trauma, our baby cribs were covered with bright- colored, lead-based paints. *We had no childproof lids on medicine bottles, doors, or cabinets, and when we rode our bikes, we had no helmets, not to mention the risks we took hitchhiking.
*As children, we would ride in cars with no seat belts or air bags.
*Riding in the back of a pick up on a warm day was always a treat.
*We drank water from the garden hose and NOT from a bottle.
*We shared one soft drink with four friends, from one bottle, and NO ONE actually died from this.
*We ate cupcakes, white bread and real butter, and drank soda pop with sugar in it, but we weren't overweight because WE WERE ALWAYS OUTSIDE PLAYING!
*We would leave home in the morning and play all day, as long as we were back when the streetlights came on.
*No one was able to reach us all day. And we were okay.
*We would spend hours building our go-carts out of scraps and then ride down the hill, only to find out we forgot the brakes! After running into the bushes a few times, we learned to solve the problem.
*We did not have Playstations, Nintendos, X-boxes, no video games at all, no 99 channels on cable, no video-tape movies, no surround sound, no cell phones, no personal computers, no Internet or Internet chat rooms..........WE HAD FRIENDS, and we went outside and found them! *We fell out of trees, got cut, broke bones and teeth, and there were no lawsuits from these accidents.
*We ate worms and mud pies made from dirt, and the worms did not live in us forever.
*We were given BB guns for our 10th birthdays, made up games with sticks and tennis balls, and although we were told it would happen, we did not put out very many eyes.
*We rode bikes or walked to a friend's house and knocked on the door or rang the bell, or just walked in and talked to them!
*Little League had tryouts, and not everyone made the team. Those who didn't had to learn to deal with disappointment. Imagine that!!
*The idea of a parent bailing us out if we broke the law was unheard of. They actually sided with the law!
*This generation has produced some of the best risk takers, problem solvers, and inventors ever!
*The past 50 years have been an explosion of innovation and new ideas.
* We grew up as kids before the lawyers and the government regulated our lives for our "own" good.

*We had freedom, failure, success and responsibility, and we learned HOW TO DEAL WITH IT ALL! And YOU are one of them! CONGRATULATIONS!
*Show this to your kids so they will know how brave their parents were.
*Kind of makes you want to run through the house with scissors, doesn't it?!
Does this bring back any fond memories for you?, it sure does for me... Ah, the good old days!
.....GED.....

865- MOTIVATION

DOES YOUR COMPANY HAVE WAYS TO MOTIVATE YOU

Copy the following list and post it at work to insure everyone gets motivated
Company Motivational Posters
-- If you do a good job and work hard, you may get a job with a better company someday.
-- It's only unethical if you get caught.
-- Doing a job RIGHT the first time gets the job done. Doing the job WRONG fourteen times gives you job security.
-- Rome did not create a great empire by having meetings, they did it by killing all those who opposed them.
-- We put the "k" in "kwality"
-- Artificial Intelligence in no match for Natural Stupidity
-- A person who smiles in the face of adversity... probably has a scapegoat.
-- If you can stay calm, while all around you is chaos...then you probably haven't completely understood the situation.
-- Two days without a Human Rights Violation!
-- Your job is still better than asking "You want fries with that?"
-- Plagiarism saves time.
-- At least you're not being rectally probed by aliens.
-- Never put off until tomorrow what you can avoid altogether.
-- TEAMWORK ... means never having to take all the blame yourself.
What is your company doing for you?
.....GED.....

864- KISSING ASS FOR YOUR JOB

CAN'T YOU SEE THROUGH THIS?

I've been saying this all week ...You are pawns, to use another word, hostages, in the governments game to pass the Saipan gaming bill. POST #861 How does it feel not to be wanted and treated as disposable?

Gov't Employees Plead for Their Jobs

SOME government employees included in the administration’s latest furlough attempt are pleading for the extension of their employment contracts. Gov. Benigno R. Fitial yesterday met with lawmakers to discuss the renewal of 397 contractual employees despite the government’s cash-strapped situation. Many of the employees will reportedly get their last paychecks this Friday, including their tax rebates.

Did you happen to notice nothing was said about this in October, prior to the elections? No, you were to busy drooling over your sham lowered power rates to notice. Only now after you put the same old same old in office again, do you see their trickery and your folly of voting for them. (I'm speaking of the house) The point being, you are going to lose your jobs anyway, so why should't they squeeze you to accomplish a few certain wants before you are discarded.
Tell 'um to to go to hell and kiss your ass!
Now here is someone who sees through all the bullshit....
The Grinch is in town:
TO all involved in the Saipan gaming bill:
Shame on you for turning 300+ people’s livelihood into a high stake game of poker. RIGHT BEFORE CHRISTMAS?! I think the Grinch is in town and he has started gambling already. You say it is just people being cynical, I am calling B.S. on that. (a lady after my own heart.) It is such an obvious power play! NOW you guys are being transparent. THE PEOPLE of SAIPAN ALREADY SAID NO TO GAMBLING AT THIS TIME!
Let us see — will our senators of Rota and Tinian bend? Are those 100 + votes per island stronger than the PROMISE of future ECONOMIC DECLINE? Those contracts are only for 90 days. Three months. Then what? What will Tinian and Rota have to give up next?
LEILA STAFFLER
Kagman, Saipan
Tell these assholes you don't appreciate their doing this to you and never, never ever vote for any of them again....
.....GED.....

863- NEVER MIND "THEM"

AW, SHUCKS, IT ISN'T REALLY A PROBLEM, IS IT? THEY'RE ONLY 'FILIPINOS'. YOU KNOW GUEST WORKERS WE BROUGHT HERE TO DO THEM A FAVOR

Just ask the imprisoned young ladies if it is like the Fitial administration says it is. See how they think of it...
Administration Downplays Case of 6 Dancers... The Story Here
THE administration says the case of the six “exotic” dancers from the Philippines who claimed they were falsely locked up at their barracks and denied timely wages should not be cited as a reason to federalize the CNMI’s immigration system.
No shit, it's not important enough to bring this to the attention of the people trying to right these wrongs. Never mind this was only 6 human beings, not important to you big important government guys. Nope, not even important, well they're only 'foreigners' they can't jeopardize our new labor laws improving and giving rights to the workers, no way, we got it right. Just ask Cinta, the "if you don't like it here go home" law writer. She'll tell you this isn't right, right Cinta? Is this acceptable to you? Say it ain't so!
Press Secretary Charles P. Reyes Jr. said reports of rampant labor abuses in the Northern Marianas occurred in the past and the current administration is trying its best to protect guest workers.
Well if this is your best then it's not good enough or acceptable in any place, especially on U.S. soil. What part of freedom don't you understand? Is it OK for you and yours, screw the rest? Sorry that isn't the way the U.S. works, It's freedom and justice for all! Not your select few!
.....GED.....

862- DIG THAT HOLE

IS GREG CRUZ DIGGING A HOLE SO DEEP THAT HE'LL NEVER GET OUT OF "IT"

The number one rule when in a hole...STOP DIGGING!
It seems to me Cruz and his TTT organization ( and I use that term loosely) are getting desperate, Yup, they are in a hole and digging furiously... I don't know the reasoning behind it but it must be that they are either simply sore losers, have simply gone wild, can't get a grip on life or simply don't understand things?
Lets go to the case of the video questioning the residency of Precinct one winner Tina Sablan. So what is your problem and furthermore what is your point? or don't you simply get IT?
Why are you sending me a video questioning the legitimacy of Tina's residency? I don't get your point at all. What is it you want? Do you want her recalled, are you jealous, want a new election or are simply confused? I don't get it. Make your point! Why did you make that video?
See Tina's proof of eligibility here.

Ah ha! you say "we ain't gonna take IT anymore" and I've been trying to figure out what IT is for awhile now, I think I've finally got it. You don't get "IT". Now, since you don't get IT, you won't have to take IT anymore. Case closed on "IT". See the "IT" post.
Stop it with your bullshitting about things you don't understand and make sure you check the facts before slandering good honest people again. You slither around behind every ones back and spew your venom without any rhyme, reason or cause. Do you think this is how to help this community, by digging holes around everybody and everything? Is digging holes and throwing dirt the TTT way? Enough already!
.....GED.....

861- GAMING GAME II

THEY MUST HAVE BEEN READING MY POSTS...

Administration Denies Using Layoff Plan to Push Saipan Gaming Bill
OUT COMES the ANTI-BULLSHIT FLAG.. (See posts #850) (and #855)
SOME of the 397 government employees who may lose their jobs on Dec. 22 now believe that the administration is using the issue (workers jobs) to “blackmail” and “pressure” the Legislature into passing the Saipan gaming bill...
Press Secretary Charles P. Reyes Jr. acknowledged that “that’s what people have always been saying (but) I think it’s a very cynical take on their part — we’re dealing with numbers and those numbers don’t lie.”
Nope, numbers don't lie but the mouths that they come out of sure do, over and over again.. You are now getting smart, and I'm so proud of you, you're calling them bullshitters too, I'm not alone anymore. These people are used to no one ever saying anything but now is the time for you to speak out, good for you!

You are 1oo% accurate in that they are using you and now they're trying to bullshit their way out of it, DON'T LET 'UM!

Tell 'um to go to hell for using you this way!

.....GED.....

860- A PRAYER

THE SENILITY PRAYER

God, grant me the Senility to forget the people I never liked anyway, the good fortune to run into the ones that I do, and the eyesight to tell the difference.
Now that I'm older, here's what I've discovered:
I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it.

My wild oats have turned into all bran.
I finally got my head together; now my body is falling apart.
Funny, I don't remember being absent minded....
All reports are in; Life is now officially unfair.
If all is not lost, where is it.
It is easier to get older than it is to get wiser.
Some days you're the dog; some days you're the hydrant.
I wish the buck stopped here; I sure could use a few.
Kids in the back seat cause accidents.
Accidents in the back seat cause...kids.
It's hard to make a comeback when you haven't been anywhere.
Only time the world beats a path to your door is when you're in the bathroom.
If God wanted me to touch my toes, he would have put then on my knees.
It's not hard to meet expenses...they're everywhere.
The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.
These days, I spend a lot of time thinking about the hereafter...

I go somewhere to get something, and then wonder what I'm hereafter.

And time keeps rolling along...

.....GED.....

859- THE MAN IN THE MOON

THE GOVERNOR MUST BE ON THE MOON

Let me introduce you to the governors last stupid statement...
“We fear it will kill jobs,” Fitial said of H.R. 3079. “We worry it will keep us in the deep economic depression that we are working hard to get out of. And we know it will eliminate the new worker rights that we just passed into law.”
6000+/- people protested this bill, and that was only the ones that were free to do so, and the governor laments the new worker rights that they just passed will be eliminated. DUH!
This guy is so unfit to govern anymore because he is so far out of touch with reality, he's got to be on the moon...
It's just silly idiotic anymore. This man needs a psychiatric ward and a mental health guardian.
Simply to much....
.....GED.....

858- THE 12 DAYS OF CHRISTMAS

ECONOMIZING ON CHRISTMAS PART 4 OF 4

THIS WAS AN ONGOING STORY OF THE TWELVE DAYS OF CHRISTMAS. (1st parts)

Due to financial constraints Christmas will become more efficient and a little less frivolous this year. Here are the steps being put into place...How to accomplish the more efficient days of Christmas:

7- The seven swans a-swimming is obviously a number chosen in better times. Their function is primarily decorative. Mechanical swans are in order. The current swans will be retrained to learn some new strokes and, therefore, enhance their outplacement.

8- As is known, the eight maids-a-milking concept has been under heavy scrutiny by the EEOC. A male/female balance in the workforce is being sought. The more militant maids consider this a dead-end job with no upward mobility. Automation of the process may permit the maids to try a-mending, a-mentoring, or a-mulching.

9- Nine ladies dancing has always been an odd number. This function will be phased out as these individuals grow older and can no longer do the steps.

10- Ten lords-a-leaping is overkill. The high cost of lords plus the expense of international air travel prompted the compensation committee to suggest replacing this group with ten out-of-work congressmen. While leaping ability may be somewhat sacrificed, the savings are significant because there is an oversupply of unemployed congressmen this year.

11- Eleven pipers piping and...

12- Twelve drummers drumming is a simple case of the band getting too big. A substitution with a string quartet, a cutback on new music, and no uniforms, will produce savings which will drop right down to the bottom line. We can expect a substantial reduction in the number of assorted people, fowl, animals, and other expenses.

Though incomplete, studies indicate that stretching deliveries over twelve days is inefficient. If we can drop-ship in a single day, service levels will be improved. Action is pending regarding the lawsuit filed by the Attorney's Association seeking expansion to include the legal profession (thirteen lawyers a-suing).

Lastly, it is not beyond consideration that deeper cuts may be necessary in the future to stay competitive. Should that happen, the Board will request management to scrutinize the Snow White Division to see if seven dwarfs is the right number.

That's all, and to all a good night....

PS..We condensed part 3 and part 4 into one part.

.....GED.....

857- TO SERVE AND PROTECT

DON'T EVER MAKE THESE MISTAKES...

Ten Things NOT to Say to Cops:
10- That uniform makes your ass look really big.
9- I wanted to be a cop but decided to finish high school instead.
8- You're not gonna check the trunk, are you?
7- Didn't I see you get your ass kicked on Cops?
6- I bet I could grab that gun before you finish writing my ticket.
5- Gee, thanks! The last officer only gave me a warning, too!
4- A 9mm? Sheesh! Check out this .44 magnum!
3- Hey, can you give me another one of those full cavity searches?
2- Here- hold my beer so I can reach my license.
1- Aren't you that guy from the village people?

.....GED.....

856- BLONDE FUN

WHEN ALL ELSE FAILS CALL A BLONDE

Some challenging moments for a blonde:
Took new scarf back to store because it was too tight
Fired from pharmacy job for failing to print labels...

Helllooo!! bottles won't fit into a typewriter!!!
Got really excited.....finished a jigsaw puzzle in just 6 months..... box said "2-4 years!"
Trapped on the Macy's escalator 2 hours after the power went out!
Tried to make Kool-Aid.....wrong instructions.....8 cups of water won't fit into those little packets!!!
Tried to go water skiing.....couldn't find a lake with a slope.
Lost breast stroke swimming competition ..... learned later, the other swimmers cheated, they used their arms!!!
Got locked out of my car in rain storm ... car swamped because soft- top was open.
The capital of California is "C".....isn't it???
Hate M&M's.....they are so hard to peel.
Baked turkey for 4 1/2 days.....instructions said 1 hour per pound and I weigh 108!!!
Couldn't call 911....."duh".....there's no "eleven" button on the stupid phone!!!
We still love 'um though, don't we?
.....GED.....

855- THE GAMING GAME

AND THE SILLY GAME CONTINUES WITH THE HOUSE NOW MAKING THEIR MOVE

The house is now making it's move with the employee as pawns, here is their move.
The Story
The moves: Babauta Still Optimistic of Budget's Passage
House Speaker Oscar M. Babauta says he is still optimistic a budget will be approved before year end. Babauta said legislative staff members are working on the draft budget bill and it may be ready for deliberation next week. “I'm still determined to push the budget through the process. Hopefully, we can have it passed before the end of the year,” he said. The administration will let go of nearly 400 employees if cost-cutting measures are not enacted soon. Babauta said the affected employees should not to lose hope, as “anything is still possible.”Lobbying for Saipan gaming bill may help the cause of the soon-to-be-laid-off employees, he said. Proponents of the bill say the CNMI government could earn some $20 million a year in fresh revenue if gaming operations were allowed on Saipan. “That would be of great help to our financial situation. Part of that money can be utilized to save government jobs,” Babauta said.
To all you pawns:
Here is what your part in the game is. You will be used as voices to help the House (H.o.R.) and the governor convince the Senate, through your begging and pleading for your sorry jobs, to pass the gaming bill, a really cheap shot to all you hoping to have a decent Christmas with your families.

Can you see through this yet? With your pleas the Gov. and H.o.R. are USING YOU in their stupid game. You all will be on the bubble until the gaming bill is passed. If you don't accomplish this move for the Gov, and the H.o.R. you then will simply get fucked, plain as that. You instead should rebel and tell the idiots you keep voting into office that you see through their silly game and will never vote for them again. But of course they won't listen to you 'cause they don't care about you anymore since they are already in office for the next term. Silly you voting for them over and over again in each election.
I see your teary eyed desperate images on TV saying how your Christmas is in limbo by not knowing if you have jobs after this stupid game is over, well I have no pity or sympathy for you because this is the results of empowering the same people to care for you again and again. So suck it up and instead of pleading for your jobs start telling them just what assholes they are for using you this way. Tell them their asses are on the line, tell them to stop using you as their pawns, tell them to go to hell...
.....GED.....

854- HANDY TIPS

HELPFUL TIPS TO EASE THE STRESS OF ROUTINE LIVING

Use a few of these tips on a daily basis and watch the doldrums fade away.
Handy Tips for Life
DIET TIP:
Lose weight quickly by eating raw pork or rancid tuna. The subsequent food poisoning/diarrhea will enable you to lose 12 pounds in only 2 days.
FINANCE TIP:
Save electricity by turning off the lights in your house and walk around wearing a miner's hat.
FINANCE TIP:
Save on gasoline by pushing your car to your destination. Invariably passers-by will think you've broken down and help.
HOUSEHOLD TIP:
Drill a one inch diameter hole in your refrigerator door. This will allow you to check that the light goes off when the door is closed.
HOUSEHOLD TIP:
Old telephone directories make ideal personal address books. Simply cross out the names and address of people you don't know.
INEXPENSIVE ENTERTAINMENT:
At work, put decaf in the coffee maker for 3 weeks. Once everyone has gotten over their caffeine addictions, switch to espresso.
INEXPENSIVE ENTERTAINMENT:
Buy a television set exactly like your neighbors. Then annoy them by standing outside their window and changing their channel using your identical remote control.
INEXPENSIVE ENTERTAINMENT:
During rush hour, sit in your parked car and point a hair dryer at passing cars. See if they slow down.
INEXPENSIVE ENTERTAINMENT:
Fool other drivers into thinking you have an expensive car phone by holding an old TV or video remote control up to your ear and occasionally swerving across the road.
INEXPENSIVE ENTERTAINMENT:
Putting just the right amount of gin in your goldfish bowl makes the fishes' eyes bulge and causes them to swim in an amusing manner.
INEXPENSIVE ENTERTAINMENT:
When the money comes out the ATM, scream "I won!" "I won!" "3rd time this week!"
PARKING TICKETS:
Avoid parking tickets by leaving your wipers turned to 'fast wipe' whenever you leave your car parked illegally.
PERSONAL HYGIENE:
No time for a bath? Wrap yourself in masking tape and remove the dirt by simply peeling it off.
SAFETY TIP:
Never attempt to fasten your shoe laces in a revolving supermarket door.
TRAVELING TIP:
Avoid the need to pack bulky shampoo bottles, which can leak in your suitcase, by arranging for the whole family to have 'skinhead' haircuts a day or two before departure.
TRAVELING TIP:
When out driving always turn left. Then, should you become lost, you can find your way home by reversing the procedure and always turn right.
Are there any questions as to applying these tips? Ask below in 'comments.'
.....GED.....