Well here's a few descriptive sayin's to fully express your true feelin's...
So use these whenever the crick is
a-risin' and the pigs are a-flyin'.
He'd bitch if you hung him with a new rope.
Don't worry too much about it. Just let the rough end drag.
That boy is about as sharp as a cue ball.
You couldn't hit a bull in the butt with a bass fiddle.
Madder than a bobcat caught in a piss fire.
He's so stupid, he couldn't find his ass with both hands.
Don't let the door hit ya where the good lord split ya.
That'll go over like a pregnant pole vaulter.
Nuttier than a Squirrel turd.
As easy as herding chickens.
Tighter than a skeeter's ass in a nose dive.
I'm so hungry, I'd eat the balls off a low flying duck!
She's wound up tighter than the girdle of a baptist minister's wife at an all-you-can-eat pancake breakfast.
Nuttier than a port-a-potty at a peanut festival.
You're as handy as a cow on a crutch.
She's purtier than a mess of fried catfish.
Hornier than a two peckered billy goat.
Her ass was so big, it's like two Buicks fighting for a parking place.
Busier than a cat covering up shit on a concrete floor.
Now that'll be a busy cat for sure! Don't be hesitant to use these familiar and picturesque adages.