Wednesday, November 28, 2007

805- MAKE THAT CALL

DIRECTIONS: WHEN CALLING THE PSYCH WARD
Simply listen to these directions and do as instructed:
Phone Menu at the Mental Health Institute
"Hello, and thank you for calling the Mental Health Institute."
.
If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.
If you have multiple personalities, press 2, 3 and 4.
If you suffer from post-traumatic stress disorder, press 5 but do it v-e-r-y- s-l-o-w-l-y and carefully.
If you are dyslexic, press 6. Now press 9. Now press 6. Now press 9. Now press 6. Now press....
If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be transferred to the mothership.
If you have short term memory loss, press 8. If you have short term memory loss, press 8. If you have short term memory loss, press 8. If you have short.....
If you have schizophrenia, listen very carefully and a small voice will tell you the number to press.
If you have a nervous disorder, fidget with the hash key until a representative comes on the line.
If you are co-dependent, ask someone to press a number for you.
If you are depressed, don't bother to press any numbers. No one will be able to help you anyway.
If you are paranoid, you don't need to press anything. We know who you are, we know what you want and we know how to get you.
If you suffer from low self-esteem, please hang up because all our operators are too busy to talk to you.
If you are Stanley TLC* Torres and want to commit suicide, go right ahead on, we won't stop you.
If you live in the CNMI the mental health department is closed due to budget constraints, like friggin' broke.
.....GED.....
* The Loose Cannon

5 comments:

bigsoxfan said...

If you are suicidal, please dial one, and operator will be with you shortly, or not.

You might be hearing from Stanley T. on this one, or he might just be crazy enough to call in.

glend558 said...

Mark, Your comment had me adding another line. In case he calls.

bigsoxfan said...

Glenn, Hope you are glad to know, Mark (the bsf) bust a gut laughing at the addition to your post. What number do I dial from here? Yours, Erdene

glend558 said...

Why thank you Erdene. Is this a first comment for you? Thank you for writing.
Glad BSF enjoyed the additional line, it was inspired by him...

bigsoxfan said...

I'm back, occasionaly I let her on line, while I watch the lad. Just kidding, she has her own favorites of girly and kids stuff, but not often does she write in, although she has been known to suggest a pithy comment of her own. Oh! And all things under the sea fascinate her, Saipan was an eye opening experience in that regard. I haven’t told her of Harry’s impending hiatus, but it won’t be pretty.

Her sister and her older brother are both living away and what time there is, she usually spends in writing them. She‘s had her share of laughs, though, while we scroll down the right hand column of your page. Pmpkn too, I‘ll hold him on my lap while surfing and he enjoys scrolling past all the ladies on the way to your blog links section.

At the moment, she’s browsing through an electronics catalog, while the lad dissambles the living room. She become a fanatic about Deece’s WWII page and has vowed to get her own blogger acount, if she finds a match for this week’s entry, as my track record hasn’t been too good, lately. It‘s all fun, the family that blogs together stays together. She is as interested as I am, about the different people in the bloggers network, they make up in their way for our missing families. Which is either sad or a little sweet. She usually manages one unanswerable question a day. Yesterday’s was; are you married? I suggested not, but if you are, your wife must be as understanding of humor as she is.