Sunday, November 18, 2007


So without further adieu:
A waitress walks up to a table where three Japanese men are seated. When she gets to the table, the waitress notices that the three men are furiously masturbating. She asks, "What the hell are you three perverts doing? "One man replies, "We all very hungry!" She answers, "But why are you jerking off?" Another man answers, "Because menu say 'First Come, First Served!'"
Once on a Friday, two women were sitting and talking. Then one woman looked up and saw her husband coming down the street with a bunch of flowers in his hand. She said, "There comes the asshole with flowers in his hand. Now he'll expect me to spend the weekend on my back with my legs in the air." Her friend promptly replied, "Don't you have a vase?"
A Licensed Counselor was conducting a group therapy session with four young mothers and their small children."You all have obsessions," he observed. To the first mother, he said, "You are obsessed with eating. You've even named your daughter Candy." He turned to the second Mom. "Your obsession is with money. Again, it manifests itself in your child's name, Penny." He turns to the third Mom. "Your obsession is alcohol. This too manifests itself in your child's name, Brandy." At this point, the fourth mother gets up, takes her little boy by the hand and whispers, "Come on, Dick, we're leaving."
Paul, a guy
on the local beach just couldn't make it with any of the girls, so he heads over to the lifeguard tower to see if the lifeguard has any advice for him. "Dude, it's obvious," says the lifeguard, "you're wearing them baggy old swimming trunks that make ya look like an old geezer. They're years outta style. Your best bet is to grab yourself a pair of Spandex Speedos - about two sizes too small - and drop a fist-sized potato down inside 'em. I'm tellin ya'll have all the babes ya want!" The following weekend, Paul hits the beach with his spanking new tight Speedos, and his fist-sized potato and it's worse than before. Everybody on the beach acts disgusted as he walks by, covering their faces, turning away, laughing, looking sick! So Paul goes back to the lifeguard again and asks him, "What's wrong now?" "JAHEESUS!" says the lifeguard, "The potato goes in front!"
Two strangers
were seated next to each other on the plane when the first guy turned to the second and said, "Let's talk. I've heard that flights will go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger."The second guy, who had just opened his book, closed it slowly, took off his glasses and said to the first guy, "What would you like to discuss?" "Oh, I don't know," said the first guy. "How about nuclear power?" "OK," said the second guy. "That could be an interesting topic. But let me ask you a question first. "A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat grass. The same stuff. Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty, and a horse produces clumps of dried grass. Why do you suppose that is?" "Jeez," said the first guy. "I have no idea." "Well, then," said the second guy, "How is it that you feel qualified to discuss nuclear power when you don't know shit?"
Now have a nice day...


Tamara said...

love the mermaids!

saipanboonieman said...

LOL! HAHA,.... "the potato goes in front".... that's just too funny!

bigsoxfan said...

Yah, Boonieman, would be funny unless you've had the potato in the back. Could be worse, like kidney stones with big hooks. Maybe that's what troubling the gov?