740- ARE THESE COOL

COUPL'A JOKES FOR THE DAY

How Do You Feel?

Two elderly gentlemen from a retirement center were sitting on a bench under a tree when one turns to the other and says, "Slim, I'm 73 years old now and I'm just full of aches and pains. I know you're about my age. How do you feel?"

Slim says, "Hell, I feel just like a newborn baby." "Really? Like a baby?" "Yep. No hair, no teeth and I think I just shit my pants."
The Sparrow Story

Once upon a time there was a nonconforming sparrow who decided not to fly south for the winter. However, soon the weather turned so cold that he reluctantly started to fly south. In a short time ice began to form on his wings and he fell to earth in a barnyard, almost frozen. A cow passed by and crapped on the little sparrow. The sparrow thought it was the end. But the manure warmed him and defrosted his wings. Warm and happy, able to breathe, he started to sing. Just then a large cat came by and, hearing the chirping, investigated the sounds. The cat cleared away the manure, found the chirping bird, and promptly ate him.

THE MORAL OF THE STORY

Everyone who shits on you is not necessarily your enemy.

Anyone who gets you out of the shit isn't necessarily your friend.

If you're warm and happy in a pile of shit, keep your mouth shut.

.....GED.....