Condom jokes to fit your strokes....
*It seemed that every time I bought a pack of ribbed condoms it would say on the pack, 'For Her Pleasure'. Then I finally found a pack that said, 'For His Pleasure', It was empty.. by.....GED.....
*A woman walks into a drugstore and asks the pharmacist if he sells size extra large condoms. He replies, "Yes we do. Would you like to buy some? "She responds, "No sir, but do you mind if I wait around here until someone does?
*"What do a coffin and a condom have in common? They're both filled with stiffs - only some are coming and some are going.
*What do Kodak and condoms have in common? They both capture the moment.
*A man is out shopping and discovers a new brand of Olympic condoms. Clearly impressed, he buys a pack. Upon getting home he announces to his wife the purchase he just made. "Olympic condoms?", she blurts, "What makes them so special?" "There are three colors", he replies, "Gold, Silver and Bronze." "What color are you going to wear tonight?", she asks cheekily. "Gold of course", says the man proudly. The wife responds wryly, "Why don't you wear Silver? It would be nice if you came second for a change."
*A doctor picks up his phone; "Doctor, you gotta help me, my two year old just swallowed a condom." The doctor grabbed his bag and started to leave when the phone rang again, "Never mind, we found another one."
No glove, no love!
The first moment I laid eyes on this girl, my immediate thought was, 'Boy, I'd love to screw her brains out'. This morning, after listening to her for a few minutes, it was apparent I had!