590- A DRIVING TEST

MORE TIDBITS TO AMUSE YOU

Driving Test Here

Rugger Bugger

City Jumper (favorite)

Try these games.

Have fun...

.....GED.....

589- DEFINITIONS

DIFFERENT DEFINITIONS FOR THE SAME WORDS

Below are a few words that have a totally different meaning to women than they do to men.
Here take a look....... See how you see it.
Gender Specific Word Definitions:
THINGY (thing-ee) n.
Female.. Any part under a car's hood.
Male...... The strap fastener on a woman's bra.
VULNERABLE (vul-ne-ra-bel) adj.
Female.. Fully opening up one's self emotionally to another.
Male...... Playing football without a jockstrap.
COMMUNICATION (ko-myoo-ni-kay-shon) n.
Female.. The open sharing of thoughts and feelings with one's partner.
Male...... Leaving a note before taking off on a fishing trip with the boys.
COMMITMENT (ko-mit-ment) n.

Female.. A desire to get married and raise a family.
Male...... Trying not to hit on other women while out with this one.
ENTERTAINMENT (en-ter-tayn-ment) n.
Female.. A good movie, concert, play or book.
Male...... Anything that can be done while drinking beer.
FLATULENCE (flach-u-lens) n.
Female.. An embarrassing byproduct of indigestion.
Male...... A source entertainment, self-expression, male bonding.
MAKING LOVE (may-king luv) n.
Female.. The greatest expression of intimacy a couple can achieve.
Male...... Call it whatever you want, just as long as we do it.
REMOTE CONTROL (ri-moht kon-trohl) n.
Female.. A device for changing from one TV channel to another.
Male...... A device for scanning through all 375 channels every 5 minutes.
Some things just seem to be in different worlds when looked at through the eyes of the opposite sex.
.....GED.....

588- OH NO! NOT AGAIN

JUST ANOTHER FIASCO

It seems this governor just doesn't get it. He keeps completely ignoring the inevitable fact that federalization is coming. He has his head buried in the sand to the facts that this will happen. It will happen with him or without him, he chooses to not participate, so I guess its without him...
GOVERNOR Benigno R. Fitial is ready to return to the nation’s capital to continue lobbying against the passage of the CNMI federalization bills. “The governor is prepared to return to Washington, D.C. to provide more testimony and attend more hearings or meetings, if necessary,” Reyes said. The administration has hired a lobbyist in Washington, D.C. to block the passage of the federalization measures. The Whole Story

This man simply can't see through simple shit, I don't know what good he thinks he will do by going to D.C. and showcasing his ignorance. There's the Washington Rep. Pete A., some expensive suck up the money lobbyists and now the trip to never never land by the governor. What a friggin waste! Just remember the few who elected him, sure hope they are happy now.

.....GED.....

587- WELCOME TOURISTS

ANOTHER SNAFU TO BOOST THE TOURIST INDUSTRY

Tourists Stranded On Plane Due To Airport Power Outage
NEARLY 300 tourists, mostly from Japan, had to remain in a plane that landed yesterday at the Francisco C. Ada/Saipan International Airport due to a power outage. Northwest Airlines flight # 76, with a 298-seat capacity, arrived around 2 p.m. yesterday from Narita, Japan. As of 5:45 p.m. yesterday, the damaged generator had yet to be fixed and passengers were still on the plane. The Story Here
I guess no one will listen so Why TF should we care either? Nobody does anything but cry and wring their hands and wonder why shit isn't working here in this 'pristine and beautiful' island. Do you think this group of tourists noticed? Think they care, think they will tell everyone back home what a nice place this is? Think they will come back? This is so sorry. Thats all!
.....GED.....

586- AIR SPACE???

WHATS NEXT, SELLING PIE IN THE SKY ?

You gotta read this first.

One, it doesn't even make sense.

Two, Who would even do this?

Thought of by 'air-heads', lol.

(click pic).. (click to read story)
'Aliens Can Own Condo Units Above 1st Floor'

“When a person of Northern Marianas descent agrees to an Article XII condominium lease, she is, in effect, selling the air rights above her land. In a very real sense, the local landowner is severing what was once a unitary piece of property and selling rights to the air space that has no access without the proper easements. .
When I read this I thought I would crack, they're selling air space. What idiot would want to retire with a piece of Saipan 'air space'? Most people I know want a small plot of mother earth.
Lets see, does this come with a heli-port, an X as a target to parachute in on, or a UFO landing pad? Now I know idiots when I see them but, come on, this can even be recognized by idiots themselves. I'm sure at some point they will declare they were "misunderstood, and we didn't understand" what they meant. Are they desperate yet? Appears to be.
We better develop a landing pad for spaceships as these "aliens" come storming in here, in their UFO's, to grab a piece of this fantastic action. I can see it now, spaceships operated by 'aliens' starting to arrive on Saipan to buy retirement 'air spaces' that they can hover over forever and ever. These 'air spaces' should sell like ice blocks at the north pole, everyone needs one. What will they think of next? Burial lots in outer space? Surely we own the space in outer space above our space on earth too. Lets sell that too. I can see it now.. The ads, Forever in Limbo, Rest in Orbit or Eternal Peace at the Speed of Light. Gotta go grab a piece of 'air space' before they 'blow away', or maybe even get too 'high.'
.....GED.....

585- JIGSAW PUZZLES

TRY YOUR HAND AT THESE PUZZLES

Click here for:
Jigsaw Puzzles
Don't be a wimp. After trying some easy ones go to the intermediate ones. (The advanced ones don't work)
Good luck!
.....GED.....

584- HANGOVERS # 1 & 2

THERE WILL BE THREE INSTALLMENTS ABOUT HANGOVERES

The first installment....
Rate Your Hangover
1* Star Hangover:
No pain. No real feeling of illness. Your sleep last night was a mere disco nap which is giving you a whole lot of misplaced energy. Be glad that you are able to function relatively well. However, you are still parched. You can drink 10 sodas and still feel this way. You are craving a steak bomber and a side of gravy fries.
2** Star Hangover:
No pain, but something is definitely amiss. You may look okay but you have mental capacity of a staple gun. The coffee you chug is only irritating your rumbling gut, which is craving a rootie tootie fresh and fruity pancake breakfast from IHOP. Last night has wreaked havoc on your bowels.
Stay tuned for the next installments....
.....GED.....

583- HANGOVERS # 3 & 4

THE SECOND SET OF HANGOVERS

The second installment...

3*** Star Hangover:
Slight headache. Stomach feels crappy. You are definitely not productive. Anytime a girl walks by you gag because her perfume reminds you of the random gin shots you did with your alcoholic friends after the bouncer 86'd you at 1:45 a.m. Life would be better right now if you were in your bed with a dozen donuts and a meatball sub watching the E! fashion awards. You've had 4 cups of coffee, a gallon of water, 3 Snapples and a liter of diet coke -- yet you haven't peed once.
4**** Star Hangover:
Life sucks. Your head is throbbing and you can't speak too quickly or else you might puke. Your boss has already lambasted you for being late and has given you a lecture for reeking of booze. You wore nice clothes, but that can't hide the fact that you missed an oh-so crucial spot shaving, (girls, it looks like you put your make-up on while riding the bumper cars). Your eyes look like one big vein and your hairstyle makes you look like a reject from the class picture of Revere High, '76.

The next installment is on the way, damn they're getting worse!

.....GED.....

582- HANGOVERS # 5 & 6

THE LAST INSTALLMENT AND THE BADDEST OF HANGOVERS

The last installment...

5***** Star Hangover: AKA "Dante's 4th Circle of Hell."

You have a second heartbeat in your head which is actually annoying the employee who sits in the next cube. Vodka vapor is seeping out of everypore and making you dizzy. You still have toothpaste crust in the corners of your mouth from brushing your teeth. Your body has lost the ability to generate saliva, so your tongue is suffocating you. Death seems pretty good right now. You definitely don't remember who you were with, where you were, what you drank, and why there is a stranger still sleeping in your bed at your house.
6****** Star Hangover: Known as the "Infinite Nutsmacker"

You wake up on your bathroom floor. For about 2 seconds you look at the ceiling, wondering if the cool refreshing feeling on your cheek is the bathroom tile or your puke from 5 hours ago. It is amazing how your roommate who was as drunk as you, somehow manages to get up before you the next morning....You try to lift your head. Not an option. It is when you turn your head too quickly only to smell the funk of 13 packs of cigarettes in your hair, and suddenly you realize you were smoking, but not ultra lights... some jackass handed you Marlboro reds, and you smoked them like it was your second full time job. You look in the mirror only to see remnants of the stamp "Ready to Rock" faintly atop your forehead... that explains the stamp on the back of your hand that has magically appeared on your forehead by alcoholic osmosis. You have to be to work in t-minus 14 minutes and 32 seconds and the only thing you can think of wearing is your "hello kitty" pajamas and your slippers.

This is the worst of all hangovere. If you have any 'hangover' stories we'll be glad to hear them.

.....GED.....

581- HORMONE TEST

LITE BEER CONTAINS FEMALE HORMONES

Yesterday, after extensive testing, scientists revealed that lite beer contains small traces of female hormones... yes, it's true. To prove their theory, the scientists had 100 men consume 12 bottles of lite beer. They then observed that 100% of them:

1: Gained weight.

2: Talked excessively without making sense.

3: Became emotional.

4: Called home just to see if anyone called.

5: Couldn't drive.

6: Went to the bathroom in groups.

7: Rearranged the furniture for no apparent reason.

8: Forgot where the car was parked.

9: Kept calling their girlfriends.

10: Could not shoot pool.

11: Talked to the cat.

12: Ask for directions.

Have you observed any of the above? Then switch to real beer!

.....GED.....

580- POOL PRANK

NOT TOO MANY PEOPLE THOUGHT IT WAS FUNNY
As they got 'pissed on' they got 'pissed off'.
Play the video......

^double^ click
.....GED.....

579- ETHICS PANEL

WHY NOW ?

I don't know if I'm missing something here, but why now? Why, with only four months left in their terms are they only now forming a panel 'as required by the House Rules'? Read this......
Sunday, September 16, 2007: House Forms 7-Member Ethics Panel
Speaker Oscar M. Babauta has formed a seven-member panel to address ethics and conduct issues in the House of Representatives. He formed the committee because it was required by the House rules, he said. The current lawmakers have less than four months left in their two-year term. ( Story Here)
What is with this, Why is this happening only now? Maybe we don't know how to interpret the 'House Rules', could be our fault for not understanding how 'House' shit works. There's probably something we surely don't get. Could be something as simple as "We only need to make the 'House Rules' and follow them when we feel like it. It certainly must be my fault for wondering about this, I should not even question this seemly blatant behaviour.
WTF!! There needs to be an explanation for this procrastination and we all want to hear what the reason is! So come forward and explain this. You are now informed, do something!
.....GED.....

578- ARCADE

A SIX GAME ARCADE, TRY A FEW

CLICK HERE--> Arcade Games
Try a couple of these, kill a little time.
Good for government workers.
Enjoy... .....GED.....

577- A BIT 'O ADVICE

WE ARE NOW TRYING TO LEVEL THE PLAYING FIELD BETWEEN THE ADVICE AND RULES FOR MEN AND WOMEN

This is for the ladies....
Advice from Men to Women
Never buy a 'new' brand of beer because 'it was on sale.'
If we're in the backyard and the TV in the den is on, that doesn't mean we're not watching it.
Don't tell anyone we can't afford a new car. Tell them we don't want one.
Whenever possible please try to say whatever you have to say during commercials.
Only wearing your new lingerie once does not send the message that you need more. It tells us lingerie is a bad investment.
Please don't drive when you're not driving.
Don't feel compelled to tell us how all the people in your stories are related to one another: We're just nodding, waiting for the punchline.
The quarterback who just got pummeled isn't trying to be brave. He's just not crying. Big difference!
When the waiter asks if every thing's okay, a simple 'Yes' is fine.
What do you mean, 'leering?' She's obstructing my view.
When I'm turning the wheel and the car is nosing onto the off-ramp, saying 'Oh, this is our exit, Honey' is not really necessary.
When you're not around, I belch so loudly that I even appall myself.
The temperature in the cave will be my responsibility. It will be slightly to moderately cooler than you want it.
Sports Center starts at 10:00 P.M. and runs one hour. This is an excellent time for you to pay bills, put laundry in the dryer, or talk to your sister.
Is it too much to ask to have the bra match the underwear?
If we see you in the morning and at night, why call us at work?
You probably don't want to know what we're thinking about.
It's in neither your interest nor ours to take the Cosmo quiz together!
And you shall live happily ever after!
.....GED.....

576- YOU WON'T HEAR THIS

THE FOLLOWING IS A SHORT LIST OF.....
I'm sure we have all heard these kind of lines before, if you never have, you will someday, but never from the male gender.
.....GED.....

575- NEW STUFF

DID YOU TRY THIS YET?
Click here to give it a spin.... http://play.blogger.com/
You can figure it out yourselves, but here are some hints.
As the pics go by if you see an interesting shot click on that pic, read the blog where it was posted.
Speed up and slow down the pic speed with the slide bar.
You can stop, foward, and reverse.
Thats all, now you do it.
.....GED.....

574- AWARD WINNING IDIOTS

THESE TWO GUYS WON THE NATIONAL IDIOT AWARD
But they were too dead to accept the prize!

Their prize story happened kinda like this.....
Now this year's winners: (The late) John Pernicky and his friend, (the late) Sal Hawkins, of the great state of Washington, decided to attend a local Metallica concert at the George Washington amphitheater. Having no tickets (but having had 18 beers between them), they thought it would be easy to "hop" over the nine foot fence and sneak into the show. They pulled their pick-up truck over to the fence and the plan was for (the late) Mr. Pernicky, who was 100 pounds heavier than Mr. Hawkins) to hop the fence and then assist his friend over. Unfortunately for (the late) Mr. Pernicky, there was a 30 foot drop on the other side of the fence.Having heaved himself over, he found himself crashing through a tree. His fall was abruptly halted (and broken, along with his arm, as it were) by a large branch that snagged him by his shorts. Dangling from the tree with a broken arm, he looked down and saw some bushes below him. (Possibly) figuring the bushes would break his fall, he removed his pocket knife and proceeded to cut away his shorts to free himself from the tree. Finally free, (did I mention that he is THE LATE) Mr. Pernicky crashed into Holly bushes. The sharp leaves scratched his ENTIRE body, without the protection of his shorts. To make matters worse (?!), on landing, his pocketknife penetrated his thigh 3 inches. (The late) Mr. Hawkins, on seeing his friend in considerable pain and agony, decided to throw him a rope and pull him to safety by tying the rope to the pick-up truck and slowly driving away. However, in his drunken haste/state, he put the truck into reverse and crashed through the fence landing on his friend and killing him. Police arrived to find the crashed pick-up with its driver thrown 100 feet from the truck and dead at the scene from massive internal injuries. Upon moving the truck, they found John under it, half-naked, scratches on his body, a knife in his thigh, and his shorts dangling from a tree branch 25 feet in the air.
And you thought you were having a bad day?
.....GED.....

573- MOMS CAKE

HERE IS MOM DELIVERING HER CAKE, OOPS!

Double click the small triangle button (bottom left)
"Buffering" will appear on screen top left, wait, video
will start automatically. Sorry mom, but this is funny!
.....GED.....

572- BLOCKHEADS

I'M TIRED OF TALKING ABOUT BLOCK HEADED GOVERNMENT OFFICIALS

Lets play a blockhead game... BLOCKHEAD GAME HERE

This is simple but addictive. give it a go!

.....GED.....

571- GAO REPORT

THE GOVERNOR WANTS A GAO REPORT OF THE ECONOMY BEFORE FEDERAL TAKEOVER OF THE CNMI LABOR AND IMMIGRATION

Governor calls for a GAO report.... defer action on these bills until the GAO completes its report on the CNMI economy,” he said.. (GAO..General Accounting Office)
THE STORY. He also, think about this, wants the OIA to pay for the report, imagine that, the OIA doing a report on the CNMI economy and giving the results that the governor wants to hear. Isn't this kinda ridiculous? I guess his wishful outcome of the report would be as follows...We the U.S. government, have concluded a report on the CNMI economy and have come to the following conclusions... We have no reason to control the security of the CNMI as they are doing an excellent job already. Also we conclude we should have no part in the labor and immigration issues there either. We further conclude that Governor Ben Fitial should have complete control of everything he wishes for. The economy is just great, as reported by the governor himself. And in a final note we are to give millions of free U.S. taxpayers dollars to line the pockets of all the governors cronies. This is a final statement. ( Old adage..Wish in one hand..Shit in the other..See which one fills up first.)

Well I'm gonna give you a GED report on the economy, this one is free. This will be as simple and short as I can put it and if you still don't get it I will accompany it with a picture...
Your economy is shit! It is down the toilet! It is no longer viable! It is already past the first turd trap. It is gone! (see diagram)

Do you get the picture? What is so hard to understand about this? What the hell good is a GAO report on shit that has already gone down the toilet gonna do? Stall for time? that's all it will accomplish. Give it up and help with starting anew. You now have the GED report.
.....GED.....

570- RULES FOR WOMEN

WE HAVE NOW COME TO THE TIME FOR SOME RULES FOR THE WOMEN

As I promised I would get to the women, so here we are. I have been tutoring the men with their rules and guidelines but now its time for the fairer sex to be informed. Here are some rules to abide by, don't ask why just do it.
Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work. Strong hints do not work. Obvious hints do not work. Just say it!
We don't remember dates. Mark birthdays and anniversaries on a calendar. Remind us frequently beforehand.
Most guys own three pairs of shoes - tops. What makes you think we'd be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with your dress?
Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.
Check your own oil! Please.
Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.
If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.
If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.
Let us ogle. We are going to look anyway; it's genetic.
You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done - not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.
Christopher Columbus did not need directions, and neither do we.
The relationship is never going to be like it was the first two months we were going out. Get over it. And quit whining to your girlfriends.
ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.
If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.
We are not mind readers and we never will be. Our lack of mind-reading ability is not proof of how little we care about you.
If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothings wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.
I'm in shape. - ROUND is a shape.
So there you have it girls, these rules shall allow you to enter into a world never understood by women before. You have now been enlightened. From this moment forward you will be better able to cope with some of the simpler facts of life...
.....GED.....

569- SHOW ME THE FACTS

THE GOVERNOR WANTS THE D.C. REP TO BE BULLHEADED TOO

Governor Fitial is asking the Washington Rep., Pete A. who was elected by the citizens of the CNMI by an overwhelming larger amount of votes then the governor himself, to change his direction on federalization, and follow the governors block headed ways. The governor says this...
Gov. Benigno R. Fitial asked Washington Rep. Pete A. Tenorio yesterday to quit “lobbying” in favor of legislation placing local immigration under federal control. ..THE WHOLE STORY HERE
Fitial issued the statement amid Tenorio's efforts to help U.S. congressional committees gather information and proceed with the federalization proposal.
“I ask you again: Pete, please stop lobbying in favor of this legislation,” Fitial wrote in a letter to the CNMI resident representative to the nation's capital.
“On behalf of the overwhelming majority of the U.S. citizens in the Commonwealth, I ask that you and your staff stop such efforts and join the rest of us in urging that the congressional committees defer action on these bills until the GAO completes its report on the CNMI economy,” he added.
Now I ask you, Governor, show me these facts. Where is your study or poll that tells us that this statement is correct? Due to the fact that I don't believe it I must call "Bullshit." Give us the number of the overwhelming U.S. citizens that support your block headed stance. As your press secretary said recently "don't misrepresent the truth."
I think you should refer to a poll by MIDDLE ROAD , check out those facts. ( click on MIDDLE ROAD to view the poll results) So governor as I said oft before "leave Pete A. alone," he can do the job he was elected to do without you since you don't seem to be interested in joining in the process and want to row upstream against it all! This will happen with you or without you, you are free to choose!

That's all. .....GED.....

568- MINI GOLF

PLAY A GAME OF MINI GOLF BY CLICKING HERE.
THE MINI GOLF GAME


Read the instructions that come with the game, a few tries and you'll get the hang of it. Lots of fun!
.....GED.....

567- NEW RULES

MORE RULES TO BE ADHERED TO

These are new rules and everyone must, from this day forth comply with these rules, take these rules to heart and forever change your ways...

New Rule #1: No more gift registries. You know, it used to be just for weddings. Now it's for babies and new homes and graduations from rehab. Picking out the stuff you want and having other people buy it for you isn't gift giving, it's the white people version of looting.
New Rule #2: When I ask how old your toddler is, I don't need to know in months. "27 Months." "He's two," will do just fine. He's not a cheese. And I didn't really care in the first place.
New Rule #3: Stop saying that teenage boys who have sex with their hot, blonde teachers are permanently damaged. I have a better description for these kids: lucky bastards.
New Rule #4: Ladies, leave your eyebrows alone. Here's how much men care about your eyebrows: do you have two of them? Okay, we're done.
New Rule #5: The more complicated the Starbucks order, the bigger the asshole. If you walk into a Starbucks and order a "decaf grande half-soy, half-low fat, iced vanilla, double-shot, gingerbread cappuccino, extra dry, light ice, with one Sweet-n'-Low and one NutraSweet," ooh, you're a huge asshole.
New Rule #6: This one is long overdue: No more bathroom attendants. After I zip up, some guy is offering me a towel and a mint like I just had sex with George Michael. I can't even tell if he's supposed to be there, or just some freak with a fetish. I don't want to be on your web cam, dude. I just want to wash my hands.
New Rule #7: Just because your tattoo has Chinese characters in it doesn't make you spiritual. It's right above the crack of your ass. And it translates to "beef with broccoli." The last time you did anything spiritual, you were praying to God you weren't pregnant. You're not spiritual. You're just high.
Follow these rules and make no mistakes!
.....GED.....

566- ASK A WOMAN

ASK A WOMEN THESE QUESTIONS AND SHE'LL LIKELY GIVE YOU THESE ANSWERS

Women Have All the Answers

Q. What should you do if you see your ex-husband rolling around in pain on the ground?

A. Shoot him again.
Q. Why do little boys whine?

A. Because they're practicing to be men.
Q. How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A. Three - One to screw in the bulb, and two to listen to him brag about the screwing part.
Q. What do you call a handcuffed man?

A. Trustworthy.
Q. What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name?

A. You didn't hold the pillow down long enough.
Q: Why do men whistle when they're sitting on the toilet?

A: Because it helps them remember which end they need to wipe.
Q: What is the difference between men and women...

A: A woman wants one man to satisfy her every need. A man wants every woman to satisfy his one need.
Q: How does a man keep his youth?

A: By giving her money, furs and diamonds.
Q: How do you keep your husband from reading your e-mail?

A: Rename the mail folder to "instruction manuals"

We'll start picking on the women at another time.

.....GED.....