Sunday, September 30, 2007

626- BET YOU MISSED IT

Don't click here
Grandpa
Hitchiker
Fartie
Full Moon

625- FUN WITH THE PUN

EVERY NOW AND THEN A BIT OF FUN COMES WITH A PUN
What would the day be without a bit of humor just to whack you out of your mundane routine, make you sit back and bring a grin to your face? As they say, beat the doldrums. Well here you go!
Featured Puns:
Did you
hear about the optometrist who fell into a lens grinder and made a spectacle of himself?
Doctors tell us there are over seven million people who are overweight. These, of course, are only round figures.
What is the purpose of reindeer? It helps to makes the grass grow, sweetie.
There were two ships. One had red paint, one had blue paint. They collided. At last report, the survivors were marooned.
The other day I sent my girlfriend a huge pile of snow. I rang her up and asked, "Did you get my drift?"
Where do you find giant snails? On the ends of giant's fingers.
Why is Saudi Arabia free of mental illness? There are nomad people there.
When I was in the supermarket I saw a man and a woman wrapped in a bar-code. I asked, "Are you two an item?"
I went to the butchers the other day and I bet him $50 that he couldn't reach the meat on the top shelf. He said, 'no thanks, the steaks are too high."
A guy walks into the psychiatrist's office wearing only Glad Wrap for shorts. The shrink says, "Well, I can clearly see you're nuts."
P.S. The more beer you drink, the funnier they get...
Now get back to whatever you were doing...
.....GED.....

Saturday, September 29, 2007

624- GOT THE MUNCHIES

WHAT WILL THEY THINK OF NEXT, AND WHEN WILL WE GET SOME
SAN FRANCISCO — Federal agents said Thursday that they shut down a factory that made marijuana-laced barbecue sauce, chocolate-covered pretzels and other "enhanced" snacks intended for medical users of the drug. Agents also seized 460 marijuana plants and other laced products including candy bars, cookies, marshmallow pies, ice cream, peanut butter, jelly, energy drinks and "Rice Krispy treats." Tainted Inc. was launched by Michael Martin, 33, of El Sobrante as a small operation that made laced chocolate truffles. When it was raided Wednesday, the company was shipping products to medical marijuana dispensaries throughout California and in Seattle, Vancouver, British Columbia, and Amsterdam. Laced snacks are often more potent and longer lasting than smoked marijuana.
Damn! missed out again, but I always thought the cookies, ice cream and other goodies were for 'after' the munchies hit, not before. Oh well.
.....GED.....

623- ON THE CUSP OF HISTORY

WE ARE ONCE AGAIN ABOUT TO SEE SPORTS HISTORY IN THE MAKING
The story here... With his next touchdown, Green Bay Packers quarterback Brett Favre will break his tie with Dan Marino to become the NFL's career leader in touchdown passes. Favre could set the record Sunday when the Packers play at division rival Minnesota (1 p.m. ET). You Must Read This Iron Man Story
The record for touchdown passes is tied at 420, The new record, when achieved will then be 421...
Will we see history this Sunday or will it take another week to accomplish this record breaking feat? We will be watching...
Thats 3:00 A.M. Monday Saipan time...
.....GED.....

Friday, September 28, 2007

622- PARINOIA IN THE SENATE

SPOOKS HOVER OVER THE SENATE AND ITS PRESIDENT
The ghosts of paranoia are hard at work. Disillusionment is full blown as these thoughts must be pulled from the spaces of the darkness. Rampant paranoia runs throughout the senate. Read this story, it takes you in every direction that a person who is totally afraid can take you. Here read it yourself, does it make sense? Here is a part of the frightened mans worries...
He said he is worried. “The population of the CNMI will rise overnight and CNMI U.S. citizens will quickly become a minority group on the islands,” Mendiola said. He said this “nightmare scenario” would severely strain local resources. Furthermore, he said the provision would place the locals and U.S. citizens at a disadvantage in the job market. “The interests of one particular segment should not outweigh those of the community as a whole,” he added. The senator said the potential increase in immigrants to the CNMI would cause a drain on local resources and public services. He also cited the social and cultural impact that the influx of foreigners would have on the local community.
A man afraid of his own shadow..
Murphys law..If something can go wrong it will..
Mendiola's law..Something will go wrong no matter what happens..
.....GED.....

621- A HUMAN CHIMP?

IS A CHIMP A HUMAN, A PERSON OR A THING?
Well they're trying to decide.
Austrians continue fight for chimp.. Posted on 09/27/2007
He's now got a human name _ Matthew Hiasl Pan _ but he's having trouble getting his day in court. Animal rights activists are campaigning to get Pan, a 26-year-old chimpanzee, legally declared a person. The legal tussle began in February, when the animal shelter where Pan and another chimp, Rosi, have lived for 25 years filed for bankruptcy protection. Activists want to ensure the apes don't wind up homeless. Their upkeep costs $6,800 a month. Donors have offered to help, but under Austrian law, only a person can receive personal gifts. The animal rights group has been pressing to get Pan declared a "person" so a guardian can be appointed to look out for his interests. Until this summer, the chimp was known simply as Hiasl. However, in the latest court documents, he was identified as Matthew Hiasl Pan, with the last name derived from "chimpanzee. The Association Against Animal Factories says it's not trying to get Pan declared a human, but rather a person, which would give some legal status. Otherwise, he is legally a thing. "The question is: Are chimps things without interests, or persons with interests?" Balluch said."A large section of the public does see chimps as beings with interests," he said.
Q.- So what is a Lil Hammerhead? A.- A small shark!
.....GED.....

620- ITS ALL OVER

THE NEW HOME RUN RECORD HAS NOW BEEN ESTABLISHED..762
There will be no more, Bonds is finished for the season, probably forever...
The Whole Story Here
Bonds relishes final home game with Giants after 15 seasons in San Francisco
September 27, 2007
SAN FRANCISCO (AP) -- Barry Bonds bounced up and down on his tender big toe as he reacted to the finality of it all, the spotlight of this city on him in left field for one last time. The slugger jogged to the position he's held for the past 15 years, the sellout crowd roaring and on its feet as has been customary so many times during his historic yet controversial tenure. He waved in every direction and tipped his cap while a homemade banner read "Thank you Barry -- A Giant Forever"
762 .. This is where the record will stand for a long time. This is the new goal for all big hitters to achieve, the bar has been raised, it has been set and it's high.
All the best to ya Barry, you will be remembered a loooong time..
.....GED.....

619- OLD DUFFERS ADVICE

YOU CAN ALWAYS RELY ON SOMEONE THAT'S BEEN THERE BEFORE
But in this case the difference in time made all the difference...
A young man who was also an avid golfer found himself with a few hours to spare one afternoon. He figured if he hurried and played very fast, he could get in nine holes before he had to head home. Just as he was about to tee off an old gentleman shuffled onto the tee and asked if he could accompany the young man as he was golfing alone. Not being able to say no, he allowed the old gent to join him. To his surprise the old man played very well. He didn't hit the ball real far, but hit the ball consistently down the middle, and didn't waste much time. Finally, they reached the 9th fairway and the young man found himself with a tough shot. There was a large pine tree right in front of his ball - and directly between his ball and the green. After several minutes of debating how to hit the shot the old man finally said, "You know, when I was your age I'd hit the ball right over that tree." With that challenge placed before him, the youngster swung hard, hit the ball up, right smack into the top of the tree trunk and it thudded back on the ground not a foot from where it had originally lay. The old man offered one more comment, "Of course, when I was your age that pine tree was only three feet tall."
The young lad in this story, pro golfer Tom Weiskopf, the old gentleman, ledgenary golfer Ben Hogan.
I must add , this story was told to me by Tom Weiskopf while working with him on some golf projects, a few years ago...
.....GED.....

618- ANOTHER PIPE DREAM

JUST ANOTHER UNWORKABLE HAIR-BRAINED IDEA
AN administration official says they will propose a special election next year to consider a constitutional amendment that will allow the cash-strapped government to borrow at least $120 million. The government’s current bond debt amounts to $246 million.
“We’ve got to come to terms with what we owe the Retirement Fund,” Muna said. The Whole Story Here
So I ask this...

Who will loan this government money?
How will they pay it back?
Why not just pay the retirement fund directly, instead of borrowing intrest incurring money?
If they can't pay the fund, how will they pay the bond?
Well if they are true to form they won't even get the special election off the ground. These are the same inept people who can't even issue a R.F.P. to privatize the C.U.C. Is this another election ploy to get retirees to vote for these bullshit promises, a pie in the sky, so to speak? I would advise you not to worry about this scheme as its just another puff of smoke, blown' in the wind.
Rest peacefully tonight..
.....GED.....

Thursday, September 27, 2007

617- A TALE OF TWO UTILITIES

WHICH ONE OF THESE TWO UTILITY COMPANIES WORKS
Is it the bloated, gone broke, ill managed, undependable, sloppily operated, and way over charging CUC?
Or.... The slim, trim, efficient, effective, low cost, no problem and very dependable PTI ?
One is government managed the other private.. Weigh these side by side and tell me which one works for you. Does this give you a clue as to what would be the best way to solve the CUC problems? Thus privatizing seems to be the way to go. The biggest obstacle to cross however, is the government doesn't even seem to be able to accomplish this first simple step. Not to worry, when the whole island is in total darkness and there is absolutely no way out, Uncle Sam, yes the very same guy our governor despises, that one.. will bail us out, again.
But before that has to happen however, try to listen to the candidates in this election and chose the ones with a real privatizing plan, not a pile of crap about they support privatizing but one with a concrete plan. An actual plan that makes sense to you, but be aware of bullshit, its everywhere. Lets all be diligent and choose wisely...
.....GED.....

616- SEXY HOUR

MAYBE SOMETHING NEW TO TRY AT PORKY'S

^Click^ twice to play. Lets change happy hour to sexy hour! Should be a blast.

........GED.....

615- NOT THE DAILY NEWS

THERE ARE SOMETHINGS THAT DON'T MAKE IT TO THE MAINSTREAM NEWS.. THINGS ARE LEFT OUT..
So, I thought that I should show you 'The Other Side of the Story' There is so much good being done by our troops that are overlooked in our need to be critical of this government and our men and women in the military. Just ask the people who have family members and friends there, they'll tell the true story, as I will try do to also. My first edition.... Look for it daily in the right hand column.
.....GED.....

Wednesday, September 26, 2007

614- ELECTION RHETORIC

WATCHING THE EVENING NEWS
As I watched the 6:00 o'clock news tonight (9/26/07) several incumbent candidates were talking about the CUC problems and what they will do about it in the next two years if reelected... Now my question is this... What did you do in the last two years about it and what the hell makes you think you will solve the problem in the next two years if reelected?.... What makes you think we believe this shit?...There is no choice.... I must call "bullshit" on this one. Empty election bullshit again. Boy they sure had all the ideas tonight, ones that never will develop, ever. Throwing turds into the wind, crashing in air, and splatting on the ground, that's all I heard. Not anything new and a little too late... Why now ? Why do all these wonderful ideas appear just before elections? I'll bet this never happened before, that no one ever tried this baffling with bullshit scheme before, this is a first isn't it? You aren't familiar with election bullshit, are you? You never heard it did you? What the hell are they thinking? So citizens you have been informed on the possibility of bullshit happening, be alert and you will recognize it. Never let your bullshit guard down for there will be piles and piles of it everywhere! Go with the knowledge that you know, and that you are prepared...
.....GED.....

612-1/2- JOHN FORCE

JOHN FORCE IN SERIOUS ACCIDENT
John Force the father of the beautiful Ashley Force, who I just featured in post # 605, had his car explode into pieces and a pile of mangled, twisted auto parts. The story..
Force to miss rest of NHRA season after serious accident.. Force Recovering After Surgery.
DALLAS: John force was able to stand and shuffle his feet Monday, pronouncing himself "lucky to have my legs" a day after a wreck at the O'Reilly NHRA Fall Nationals at Texas Motorplex hospitalized the drag-racing star. Force has a compound fracture of his left ankle, a lacerated right knee, a dislocated left wrist and abrasions on two fingers on his right hand. He had screws inserted into his ankle and temporary pins placed in his wrist, said David Densmore, a spokesman for John Force Racing. Force, a 14-time champion, wrecked Sunday while racing Funny Car rival Kenny Bernstein. A video of the accident shows Bernstein's car drifting toward Force's lane and striking a foam timing block, which shot into the back of Force's car. Force swerved across Bernstein's lane into the retaining wall. Bernstein then rammed into Force's car, breaking the chassis in two. Force's prognosis is "very good" after six hours of surgery Sunday following the most severe accident he's experienced in more than three decades of racing.
Just goes to show even with all the safty equipment a fellow can still get hurt. But on the other hand having a car explode, and be torn in two, at 300 MPH means the safty equipment must help a whole lot. Here is the Rest of the Story <--(view a video of the crash here too)
He'll be back, God speed John...
.....GED.....

612- WHATS WITH THIS

WHY IS THIS GUY HERE AND WHAT THE HELL IS HE TRYING TO DO
Get this asshole outta here, why is he talking at Colombia U., what are they thinking? This is a friggin' disgrace to allow him a public venue to spew his shit on our soil. This guy is the enemy!!!
He is responsible for deaths of American soldiers, and they give him a stage. Preposterous to say the least, I think he needs an Iranian IED up his skinny ass.
The News...Ahmadinejad Blasts Israel, Denies Existence of Iranian Gays During Columbia Speech Monday, September 24, 2007... Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad on Monday questioned why Iran can't have a nuclear program when the United States has one, repeated his inference that historical accounts of the Holocaust are myths, and denied that there are homosexuals in Iran... Fox News Here
Read the whole story and decide if you understand why he was here. What an idiot. I can't keep on with this, I'll get too potty mouthed and pissed. So that's all.
.....GED.....

Monday, September 24, 2007

611- LETS HIT THE POLLS

VOTE FOR THIS YEARS SENATORS
SAIPAN CASINO ACT
RUN-OFF ELECTIONS
HOUSE OF REPRESENTATIVES
CAST YOUR VOTES RIGHT HERE!!!!
KEEP CHECKING HERE TO WATCH YOUR FAVORITE CANDIDATE PROGRESS IN THE POLLS!
Poll's on the right, below pictures (just scroll down you'll find it.) look for orange.

.....GED.....

Sunday, September 23, 2007

610- OUR HONEYMOON

MOM WANTS TO KNOW HOW THE HONEYMOONS OF HER THREE DAUGHTERS WENT


Here is the story....
A mother had 3 daughters. They were all getting married within a short time period. Because mom was a bit worried about how their sex lives would get started, she made them all promise to send a postcard from the honeymoon with a few words on how marital sex felt.
And here are the replies....
The first girl sent a card from Hawaii two days after the wedding. The card said nothing but "Nescafe." Mom was puzzled at first, but then went to the kitchen and got out the Nescafe jar. It said: "Good till the last drop." Mom blushed, but was pleased for her daughter.
The second girl sent the card from Vermont a week after the wedding, and the card read: "Benson & Hedges." Mom now knew to go straight to her husband's cigarettes, and she read from the Benson & Hedges pack: "Extra Long. King Size." She was again slightly embarrassed but still happy for her daughter.
The third girl left for her honeymoon in the Caribbean. Mom waited for a week, nothing. Another week went by, and still nothing. Then after a whole month, a card finally arrived. Written on it with shaky handwriting were the words: "British Airways." Mom took out her latest Harper's Bazaar magazine, flipped through the pages fearing the worst, and finally found the ad for the airline. The ad said: "Three times a day, seven days a week, both ways." Mom fainted.
The first girl lived happily ever after..Taking a vacation every year..
The second girl had 14 kids.. She stayed barefooted and pregnant most of her life..
The third girl never wrote again...They're still trying to find the British Airways in the ad...
.....GED.....

609- ASIANA AIR / MVA

MVA SAYS LACK OF SEATS CAUSING SAIPAN TOURIST SLUMP
Well I have always disagreed with that theory. You see the amount of seats don't make the difference, its the people in them that counts. I believe the reason JAL pulled out was because people stopped wanting to come here. I have said this over and over again in previous posts. Now Asiana is flying here and this is their results... Read about it here... Asiana News Story <-- click this Some of the story in part..THE commonwealth has been a losing venture for Asiana Airlines since it began operations here. This was disclosed by its general manager Kwang Joong Kim to the board of the Commonwealth Ports Authority during a special meeting on Thursday. “For the past 15 years Asiana has been losing money in the CNMI…believe it or not,” he said, adding that the airline has launched new daytime flights and started new ventures on island to prevent its airline service from “collapsing.”
The MVA would like to put the blame of their inefficient operation on the airlines, a typical CNMI ruse of blaming everyone else without looking inward at the real problem. I think Asiana is making a gallant effort to support the tourism industry here , which MVA likes to takes credit for. Just how many airlines do they want to go bust flying here, with empty seats while doing nothing to improve this stagnate tourist attractions or finding new ones to draw the people here.
Tell me just what has the MVA done to improve Saipans tourist industry, the attractions and places they may visit? They got a Saipanda, proposed art gallery's in the blacked-out airport, left tourist on a plane 3 long hours on the tarmac, I can't think of any good things I've heard about them... Oh WTF do I care? No one else seems to give a shit either. In conclusion..If anyone gave a shit they would do more then sing the "Why Aren't They Coming blues." That's all...
.....GED.....

608- REDNECK SKATEBOARDING

A DRUNK, A SKATEBOARD, A RAMP AND NO SKILL = THE MOTHER OF ALL HEADACHES
^click^ button twice to view video
Don't drink and try this yourself!
.....GED.....

607- YA GOTTA BE KIDDIN'

FOR THIS I MUST CALL "BULLSHIT!"

It's one thing to be ignorant but a whole different thing to believe everyone else is too!

GOVERNOR Benigno R. Fitial blames some 70 employers accused of illegal sponsorship for delays of from several months to a year in the issuance of alien work permits, but Labor has yet to report how many of these erring employers have been sanctioned so far. Fitial, in an interview, said some of those who complained of delays are involved in illegal sponsorships, and that Labor’s investigation of alleged illegal sponsorships takes up time that should be spent on reviewing alien work permit renewals submitted by legitimate employers. The Whole Story
Is this not a cry for help, absolute proof the system here isn't working, does this make you feel that no changes are needed, don't you think Washington hears this crap? How much more must be done to prove that there needs to be some drastic changes made in this incompetent department.
One very simple question to you the public, the readers.... Do you believe that shit? Well if you do, 'god bless you', you are part of the problem too. If you don't believe that what are your thoughts as how to get rid of that preposterous bullshitting. Fitial has lost all creditability with his outlandish lies and bullshit. I don't know why he persists on continuing this type of rhetoric. Does he really think the public is really that stupid and can't see bullshit when slung in our faces? I really don't get him at all. But for all of you out there you have been informed and now understand why this place has so many problems. I can't wait to see Reyes explain how this, too, was misunderstood and inform us as to just what he really meant. Vote intelligently this November.
.....GED.....

606-COMMENT MODERATION

WHAT A PAIN IN THE ASS.. A REAL BLOGGER DOESN'T USE IT
What the hell do you need comment moderation for? Are ya scared, afraid someone will dis you, worried about being insulted, can't take a joke, lost your sense of humor, or just very insecure? Well get a life, take a few punches, it'll only make you a little tougher. Fruitcakes and sissy's only in the comment moderation class. Readers, you shouldn't comment on a comment moderation blog cause you might scare 'um. They talk about anonymous comment's as hiding in the shadows, well what are comment moderation blogger's hiding from? If some idiot slips a negative comment in, simply delete it, easy! Get a grip.. That's all....
.....GED.....

605- A FORCE TO RECKON

ASHLEY FORCE - IF YOU DON'T KNOW WHO SHE IS - LET ME INTRODUCE HER TO YOU
NHRA driver Ashley Force gets nod over Tom Brady and Danica Patrick as the hottest athlete. Ashley Force has been named the winner of the first annual "Hottest Athlete'' poll on AOL Sports. The Web site's users voted on the best-looking men and women in sports over several weeks and National Hot Rod Association star Force beat out football hunk Tom Brady, as well as fellow motorsports competitor Danica Patrick for the honor.
Force, the daughter of longtime NHRA star John Force, spent two seasons in the entry-level Super Comp class and three more in the Top Alcohol Dragster class before becoming the 10th woman in NHRA history to earn a license to compete in the Funny Car division. While competing in Top Alcohol, she won five NHRA national events including the biggest event in the sport, the 2004 U.S. Nationals in Indianapolis. Force and her father made racing history in April when they became the first father and daughter to race against each other. Ashley won the race and advanced to the semifinals, where she tied for the highest ever Funny Car event finish for a female.
This is one impressive young lady, I hope ya'll will take note. Watch her Sundays and Mondays on ESPN Drag Racing....
.....GED.....

604- GENTLEMEN

WHAT WOULD YOU DO IN THIS SITUATION?
^Click^ button twice to view video.
Smile, your busted!
.....GED.....

603- GOVM'T CUC BILLS

WHY DOESN'T CUC TURN OFF THE POWER
<--- Send this guy to capitol hill
I'm sure they would turn off my power if I was in arrears and owed this much in overdue payments. What does it mean to the average Joe, you and I, it means we have to carry the load the government refuses to carry for it's self. Where are the people that are supposed to run this government, when will they see this shit doesn't work! This must stop!!!
Check this out, see for yourself.......
The government and autonomous agencies owe the Commonwealth Utilities Corp.'s a total of $1.4 million in utility billings for the month of July and August 2007.
Public School System incurred the most with $1,032,647.
The Department of Public Lands was the second top utility user among all government entities with $97,386.
The Northern Marianas College was third with $66,732.
The other billings include the:
Executive, Legislative and Judicial branches, $29,265.
Commonwealth Ports Authority, $41,210.
Coastal Resources Management, $21,967.
Marianas Visitors Authority, $20,305.
Northern Marianas Housing Corp. $7,993.
NMI Retirement Fund, $42,386.
Office of the Public Auditor, $21,817.
Tinian Casino & Gaming Control Commission, $4,876.
Tinian Legislative Delegation, $49,425.
The billing records were released by CUC executive director Anthony C. Guerrero last week following Taotao Tano CNMI Association Inc.'s request.
Our hat is tipped for this group's diligence in keeping on the asses of CUC and the non-paying government.
This is just plain stupid how can anyone run a place like this and expect to be reelected?
Throw all the bums out!
.....GED.....

Saturday, September 22, 2007

602- ARTIST RENDERINGS

FOLLOW THIS ARTIST AS HE DRAWS SOME T-SHIRT SKETCHES



This is cool take a look.
The artist is working here
Enjoy!
.....GED.....

601- HILLBILLY CLYDE

YUP, HE WUZ THE GUY WID THE TWO ASSHOLES
Come and listen to my story
'bout a man named... Clyde...
A Hillbilly Named Clyde:
A hillbilly named Clyde died in a fire and was burnt pretty bad and the morgue needed someone to identify the body, so his two best friends, Clem and Zeke, were sent for. Clem went in first, and the mortician pulled back the sheet. Clem said, Yup, he's burnt real bad, but you'll have to roll him over if you want me to identify him." So the mortician rolled the corpse over and Clem looked and said, "Nope, it ain't Clyde."
The mortician thought that was rather strange, but proceeded to bring in Zeke to identify the body. After the sheet was pulled back, Zeke took a look and said, "Yup, he's burnt real bad, roll him over." So, again the mortician rolled the burnt corpse over, and Zeke looked down and said, "Nope, it ain't Clyde." Frustrated, the mortician asked, "How can you tell?"
Zeke answered, "Well, Clyde had two assholes." "What!?" The disbelieving mortician asked, "He had TWO assholes?"
"Yup, that's right, everybody knew Clyde had two assholes.
Ever time we went to town, folks would say... '
"Here comes that thar Clyde with them thar two assholes!"
Never had a clue did they?
.....GED.....

600- DO I HAVE A PROBLEM

DEAR READERS:
It has been brought to my attention that I may be having a problem with some of the photos on my blog spot. I am asking you to please see if you are getting all the feed that I have on this site.
Questions:
Do you get pictures on the posts?
Do you get pictures in the right hand column?
Can you see the 'golf gallery' at the bottom of the page?
Do you believe you are not getting everything that is posted?
Are there blank spaces where you think pictures should be?
If you have any other comments, help, ideas, or suggestions please drop me a 'comment' below.
Finally, If you think everything is coming through as it should, I would appreciate knowing that too.
Thank You,
.....GED.....

599- R U READY 4 THIS

WE MAY BE ENTERING A BRAND NEW AREA OF CONTENTION HERE
Anyway here we go...
Lesbian Q&A
1. What do you call a cupboard full of lesbians?... A licker cabinet.
2. What do you call an Eskimo lesbian?... A Klondyke.
3. Why can't lesbians diet and wear make-up at the same time?... Because they can't eat Jenny Craig with Mary Kay on their face.
4. What do you call 2 lesbians in a canoe?... Fur Traders.
5. What is a lesbian dinosaur called?... A Lickalottapuss.
6. What do you call a lesbian with long fingers?... Well Hung.
7. Did you hear that Ellen Degeneres drowned?... She was found face down in Ricki Lake.
8. What do you call lesbian twins?... Lick-a-likes.
9. How can you tell if a lesbian is butch?... She kick-starts her vibrator and rolls her own tampons.
10. What's the difference between a ritz cracker and a lesbian?... One's a snack cracker, the other a crack snacker!
Whew! So there you go. I like everything about it.
.....GED.....

Friday, September 21, 2007

598- IF YOU DONT GET IT...

HERE IS THE PLACE.
You can get it right here. Everything you need to know about Tina Sablan, the candidate, the platform, her ideas, and her hopes and dreams for the CNMI.
Read and understand the immense potential Tina brings to this island. Its all here and if you want to know more she is willing to talk to you at..... tinasablan@gmail.com
.....GED.....

597- READER POLL

A SIMPLE SURVEY
Please participate in a little poll requesting your sex and age. You will remain anonymous, so don't worry about honest answers. I'm doing this to see an average of readers so I can select the materials I use. Please make a comment (below) on the materials and subjects presently being used. Remember its a blog... Not a Sunday school lesson..
The poll is in the right hand column under my picture.
You are now excused, and may go to vote.
Thank You,
.....GED.....

596- GRANDMA'S PANCAKES

GRANDMA MAKES THE BEST PANCAKES, KEEPS 'UM COMING TOO

Sometimes Greta's granny gets alittle confused, but bless her heart she means well and really does makes some killer pancakes.
Watch granny make cake.
Enjoy your next stack of 'cakes'.
.....GED.....

Thursday, September 20, 2007

595- WARNING

SHORT LESSON FOR ALL US NIPPERS OUT THERE
You will take a lesson in alcohol behavior, and an insight into the things you might do, while you are ___________. You are to add your own word, there is soooo many.
Click this--->Warning here
.....GED.....

594- ISN'T IT PUNNY

A PUN IS FUN TO READ IN THE JOHN
And any other place you may come across these interesting bits 'o wit. Here are a few to lighten up your dull day and, if that be the case, and give you a reason to grin.
<---In the john, get it?
I fired my masseuse today. She just rubbed me the wrong way.
Now that line had nothing to do with the rest of the story, the rest are bar puns
A guy walks into a bar with jumper cables. The bartender says, "You can come in, but don't start anything!"
This duck walks into a bar and orders a beer. "Four bucks," says the bartender. "Put it on my bill."
A dog with his leg wrapped in bandages hobbles into a saloon. He sidles up to the bar, unholsters his gun and announces: "I'm lookin' fer the man who shot my paw."
A horse walks into a bar. The bartender says, "So, why the long face?"
A skeleton walks into a bar and says, "Gimme a beer, and a mop."
A termite walks into a bar and says, "Is the bar tender here?"
Four fonts walk into a bar. The barman says "Yo - get out! We don't want your type in here"
Two peanuts walk into a bar. One was a salted. (think about it)
Drop me one of your favorite 'walk in a bar' jokes or puns.
.....GED.....

593- WHO'S IN CHARGE IN D.C.

STOP THIS MADNESS
The governor is now losing all control of common sense. I resisted doing this piece for a day now but just can't let it go. I really wanted to stop picking on the poor simple minded, hapless governor but the fool just keeps giving me more fuel. This governor who only garnered 3809 votes in this last election is now telling the duly elected Washington Rep. Pete A., who was elected by an overwhelming 8369 votes, not only how to do his job, what to say, what not to say and what his opinion should be. The governor is now cutting the Washington Rep's funds to an nonoperational level. O.K. I hear your blubbering mess about 'all must take cuts' but at this very critical time when all attention is on Washington and federalization, it is completely irresponsible to choke the Washington office out of business. He is doing this while at the same time blubbering about "there is no representation in Washington" and is paying lobbyists and publicists outrageous amounts to do nothing that is worthwhile. This is simply unacceptable.
Part of the story here... WASHINGTON Rep. Pete A. Tenorio says the administration wants to cut his budget by almost one half because he disagrees with the governor’s position on the federalization of local immigration. From the $1.334 million spending level in FY 2007, the governor recommended that Tenorio’s office be given just $723,000 for FY 2008. Tenorio said the day before Gov. Benigno R. Fitial submitted his budget, he received a letter from the administration “demanding” that he stop doing his job... The Whole Story Here
Now this is bullshit! This stupid blundering greedy political shit gotta stop. When will anyone recognize what's going on? Where are our lawmakers and what will they do? There better be some reckoning on Capital hill with regards to this proposed personal political agenda shit of Fitial.
Here you go, check the election tally for yourself ...2005 Election Results ..Check Ben Fitial's vote count, then check Pete A.'s vote count. Who did you vote for to run the Washington office?, Ben or Pete? Well the person who was elected to run the office should do just that, the rest should keep their goddamn hands off! Well here I go again, getting off on the governor, I really do want to stop picking on the poor idiot but he just don't stop doing really dumb shit, I can't take it anymore. You heard the joke about the Senator, the Governor and the..... damn, stop it!
.....GED.....

592- MIDDLE AGED WOMEN

WHY MIDDLE AGED WOMAN SHOULD STAY HOME video
^click^twice
No, I did not make this nor name it, I only put it here for your amusement.
.....GED.....

591- HODGE-PODGE

AN ASSORTMENT OF TRIVIA YOU PROBABLY DON'T EVEN NEED
ROMANCE MATHEMATICS:
Smart man + smart woman = romance.
Smart man + dumb woman = affair.
Dumb man + smart woman = marriage.
Dumb man + dumb woman = pregnancy
OFFICE ARITHMETIC:
Smart boss + smart employee = profit.
Smart boss + dumb employee = production.
Dumb boss + smart employee = promotion/raise.
Dumb boss + dumb employee = overtime
SHOPPING MATH:
A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.
A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need.
GENERAL EQUATIONS & STATISTICS:
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
HAPPINESS:
To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.
PROPENSITY TO CHANGE:
A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she does.
DISCUSSION TECHNIQUE:
A woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
HOW TO STOP PEOPLE FROM BUGGING YOU ABOUT GETTING MARRIED
Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poking me in the ribs and cackling, telling me, "You're next." They stopped after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals...
See what you might have missed if you had not taken the time to read this.
.....GED.....

Wednesday, September 19, 2007

590- A DRIVING TEST

MORE TIDBITS TO AMUSE YOU
City Jumper (favorite)
Try these games.
Have fun...
.....GED.....

589- DEFINITIONS

DIFFERENT DEFINITIONS FOR THE SAME WORDS
Below are a few words that have a totally different meaning to women than they do to men.
Here take a look....... See how you see it.
Gender Specific Word Definitions:
THINGY (thing-ee) n.
Female.. Any part under a car's hood.
Male...... The strap fastener on a woman's bra.
VULNERABLE (vul-ne-ra-bel) adj.
Female.. Fully opening up one's self emotionally to another.
Male...... Playing football without a jockstrap.
COMMUNICATION (ko-myoo-ni-kay-shon) n.
Female.. The open sharing of thoughts and feelings with one's partner.
Male...... Leaving a note before taking off on a fishing trip with the boys.
COMMITMENT (ko-mit-ment) n.
Female.. A desire to get married and raise a family.
Male...... Trying not to hit on other women while out with this one.
ENTERTAINMENT (en-ter-tayn-ment) n.
Female.. A good movie, concert, play or book.
Male...... Anything that can be done while drinking beer.
FLATULENCE (flach-u-lens) n.
Female.. An embarrassing byproduct of indigestion.
Male...... A source entertainment, self-expression, male bonding.
MAKING LOVE (may-king luv) n.
Female.. The greatest expression of intimacy a couple can achieve.
Male...... Call it whatever you want, just as long as we do it.
REMOTE CONTROL (ri-moht kon-trohl) n.
Female.. A device for changing from one TV channel to another.
Male...... A device for scanning through all 375 channels every 5 minutes.
Some things just seem to be in different worlds when looked at through the eyes of the opposite sex.
.....GED.....

588- OH NO! NOT AGAIN

JUST ANOTHER FIASCO
It seems this governor just doesn't get it. He keeps completely ignoring the inevitable fact that federalization is coming. He has his head buried in the sand to the facts that this will happen. It will happen with him or without him, he chooses to not participate, so I guess its without him...
GOVERNOR Benigno R. Fitial is ready to return to the nation’s capital to continue lobbying against the passage of the CNMI federalization bills. “The governor is prepared to return to Washington, D.C. to provide more testimony and attend more hearings or meetings, if necessary,” Reyes said. The administration has hired a lobbyist in Washington, D.C. to block the passage of the federalization measures. The Whole Story
This man simply can't see through simple shit, I don't know what good he thinks he will do by going to D.C. and showcasing his ignorance. There's the Washington Rep. Pete A., some expensive suck up the money lobbyists and now the trip to never never land by the governor. What a friggin waste! Just remember the few who elected him, sure hope they are happy now.
.....GED.....

Tuesday, September 18, 2007

587- WELCOME TOURISTS

ANOTHER SNAFU TO BOOST THE TOURIST INDUSTRY
Tourists Stranded On Plane Due To Airport Power Outage
NEARLY 300 tourists, mostly from Japan, had to remain in a plane that landed yesterday at the Francisco C. Ada/Saipan International Airport due to a power outage. Northwest Airlines flight # 76, with a 298-seat capacity, arrived around 2 p.m. yesterday from Narita, Japan. As of 5:45 p.m. yesterday, the damaged generator had yet to be fixed and passengers were still on the plane. The Story Here
I guess no one will listen so Why TF should we care either? Nobody does anything but cry and wring their hands and wonder why shit isn't working here in this 'pristine and beautiful' island. Do you think this group of tourists noticed? Think they care, think they will tell everyone back home what a nice place this is? Think they will come back? This is so sorry. Thats all!
.....GED.....

586- AIR SPACE???

WHATS NEXT, SELLING PIE IN THE SKY ?
You gotta read this first.
One, it doesn't even make sense.
Two, Who would even do this?
Thought of by 'air-heads', lol.
(click pic).. (click to read story)
'Aliens Can Own Condo Units Above 1st Floor'
“When a person of Northern Marianas descent agrees to an Article XII condominium lease, she is, in effect, selling the air rights above her land. In a very real sense, the local landowner is severing what was once a unitary piece of property and selling rights to the air space that has no access without the proper easements. .
When I read this I thought I would crack, they're selling air space. What idiot would want to retire with a piece of Saipan 'air space'? Most people I know want a small plot of mother earth.
Lets see, does this come with a heli-port, an X as a target to parachute in on, or a UFO landing pad? Now I know idiots when I see them but, come on, this can even be recognized by idiots themselves. I'm sure at some point they will declare they were "misunderstood, and we didn't understand" what they meant. Are they desperate yet? Appears to be.
We better develop a landing pad for spaceships as these "aliens" come storming in here, in their UFO's, to grab a piece of this fantastic action. I can see it now, spaceships operated by 'aliens' starting to arrive on Saipan to buy retirement 'air spaces' that they can hover over forever and ever. These 'air spaces' should sell like ice blocks at the north pole, everyone needs one. What will they think of next? Burial lots in outer space? Surely we own the space in outer space above our space on earth too. Lets sell that too. I can see it now.. The ads, Forever in Limbo, Rest in Orbit or Eternal Peace at the Speed of Light. Gotta go grab a piece of 'air space' before they 'blow away', or maybe even get too 'high.'
.....GED.....

Monday, September 17, 2007

585- JIGSAW PUZZLES

TRY YOUR HAND AT THESE PUZZLES

Click here for:
Jigsaw Puzzles
Don't be a wimp. After trying some easy ones go to the intermediate ones. (The advanced ones don't work)
Good luck!
.....GED.....

Sunday, September 16, 2007

584- HANGOVERS # 1 & 2

THERE WILL BE THREE INSTALLMENTS ABOUT HANGOVERES
The first installment....
Rate Your Hangover
1* Star Hangover:
No pain. No real feeling of illness. Your sleep last night was a mere disco nap which is giving you a whole lot of misplaced energy. Be glad that you are able to function relatively well. However, you are still parched. You can drink 10 sodas and still feel this way. You are craving a steak bomber and a side of gravy fries.
2** Star Hangover:
No pain, but something is definitely amiss. You may look okay but you have mental capacity of a staple gun. The coffee you chug is only irritating your rumbling gut, which is craving a rootie tootie fresh and fruity pancake breakfast from IHOP. Last night has wreaked havoc on your bowels.
Stay tuned for the next installments....
.....GED.....

583- HANGOVERS # 3 & 4

THE SECOND SET OF HANGOVERS
The second installment...
3*** Star Hangover:
Slight headache. Stomach feels crappy. You are definitely not productive. Anytime a girl walks by you gag because her perfume reminds you of the random gin shots you did with your alcoholic friends after the bouncer 86'd you at 1:45 a.m. Life would be better right now if you were in your bed with a dozen donuts and a meatball sub watching the E! fashion awards. You've had 4 cups of coffee, a gallon of water, 3 Snapples and a liter of diet coke -- yet you haven't peed once.
4**** Star Hangover:
Life sucks. Your head is throbbing and you can't speak too quickly or else you might puke. Your boss has already lambasted you for being late and has given you a lecture for reeking of booze. You wore nice clothes, but that can't hide the fact that you missed an oh-so crucial spot shaving, (girls, it looks like you put your make-up on while riding the bumper cars). Your eyes look like one big vein and your hairstyle makes you look like a reject from the class picture of Revere High, '76.
The next installment is on the way, damn they're getting worse!
.....GED.....

582- HANGOVERS # 5 & 6

THE LAST INSTALLMENT AND THE BADDEST OF HANGOVERS
The last installment...
5***** Star Hangover: AKA "Dante's 4th Circle of Hell."
You have a second heartbeat in your head which is actually annoying the employee who sits in the next cube. Vodka vapor is seeping out of everypore and making you dizzy. You still have toothpaste crust in the corners of your mouth from brushing your teeth. Your body has lost the ability to generate saliva, so your tongue is suffocating you. Death seems pretty good right now. You definitely don't remember who you were with, where you were, what you drank, and why there is a stranger still sleeping in your bed at your house.
6****** Star Hangover: Known as the "Infinite Nutsmacker"
You wake up on your bathroom floor. For about 2 seconds you look at the ceiling, wondering if the cool refreshing feeling on your cheek is the bathroom tile or your puke from 5 hours ago. It is amazing how your roommate who was as drunk as you, somehow manages to get up before you the next morning....You try to lift your head. Not an option. It is when you turn your head too quickly only to smell the funk of 13 packs of cigarettes in your hair, and suddenly you realize you were smoking, but not ultra lights... some jackass handed you Marlboro reds, and you smoked them like it was your second full time job. You look in the mirror only to see remnants of the stamp "Ready to Rock" faintly atop your forehead... that explains the stamp on the back of your hand that has magically appeared on your forehead by alcoholic osmosis. You have to be to work in t-minus 14 minutes and 32 seconds and the only thing you can think of wearing is your "hello kitty" pajamas and your slippers.
This is the worst of all hangovere. If you have any 'hangover' stories we'll be glad to hear them.
.....GED.....

581- HORMONE TEST

LITE BEER CONTAINS FEMALE HORMONES

Yesterday, after extensive testing, scientists revealed that lite beer contains small traces of female hormones... yes, it's true. To prove their theory, the scientists had 100 men consume 12 bottles of lite beer. They then observed that 100% of them:
1: Gained weight.
2: Talked excessively without making sense.
3: Became emotional.
4: Called home just to see if anyone called.
5: Couldn't drive.
6: Went to the bathroom in groups.
7: Rearranged the furniture for no apparent reason.
8: Forgot where the car was parked.
9: Kept calling their girlfriends.
10: Could not shoot pool.
11: Talked to the cat.
12: Ask for directions.
Have you observed any of the above? Then switch to real beer!
.....GED.....

580- POOL PRANK

NOT TOO MANY PEOPLE THOUGHT IT WAS FUNNY
As they got 'pissed on' they got 'pissed off'.
Play the video......
video
^double^ click
.....GED.....

579- ETHICS PANEL

WHY NOW ?
I don't know if I'm missing something here, but why now? Why, with only four months left in their terms are they only now forming a panel 'as required by the House Rules'? Read this......
Sunday, September 16, 2007: House Forms 7-Member Ethics Panel
Speaker Oscar M. Babauta has formed a seven-member panel to address ethics and conduct issues in the House of Representatives. He formed the committee because it was required by the House rules, he said. The current lawmakers have less than four months left in their two-year term. ( Story Here)
What is with this, Why is this happening only now? Maybe we don't know how to interpret the 'House Rules', could be our fault for not understanding how 'House' shit works. There's probably something we surely don't get. Could be something as simple as "We only need to make the 'House Rules' and follow them when we feel like it. It certainly must be my fault for wondering about this, I should not even question this seemly blatant behaviour.
WTF!! There needs to be an explanation for this procrastination and we all want to hear what the reason is! So come forward and explain this. You are now informed, do something!
.....GED.....

578- ARCADE

A SIX GAME ARCADE, TRY A FEW





CLICK HERE--> Arcade Games
Try a couple of these, kill a little time.
Good for government workers.
Enjoy... .....GED.....

Saturday, September 15, 2007

577- A BIT 'O ADVICE

WE ARE NOW TRYING TO LEVEL THE PLAYING FIELD BETWEEN THE ADVICE AND RULES FOR MEN AND WOMEN
This is for the ladies....
Advice from Men to Women
Never
buy a 'new' brand of beer because 'it was on sale.'
If we're in the backyard and the TV in the den is on, that doesn't mean we're not watching it.
Don't tell anyone we can't afford a new car. Tell them we don't want one.
Whenever possible please try to say whatever you have to say during commercials.
Only wearing your new lingerie once does not send the message that you need more. It tells us lingerie is a bad investment.
Please don't drive when you're not driving.
Don't feel compelled to tell us how all the people in your stories are related to one another: We're just nodding, waiting for the punchline.
The quarterback who just got pummeled isn't trying to be brave. He's just not crying. Big difference!
When the waiter asks if every thing's okay, a simple 'Yes' is fine.
What do you mean, 'leering?' She's obstructing my view.
When I'm turning the wheel and the car is nosing onto the off-ramp, saying 'Oh, this is our exit, Honey' is not really necessary.
When you're not around, I belch so loudly that I even appall myself.
The temperature in the cave will be my responsibility. It will be slightly to moderately cooler than you want it.
Sports Center starts at 10:00 P.M. and runs one hour. This is an excellent time for you to pay bills, put laundry in the dryer, or talk to your sister.
Is it too much to ask to have the bra match the underwear?
If we see you in the morning and at night, why call us at work?
You probably don't want to know what we're thinking about.
It's in neither your interest nor ours to take the Cosmo quiz together!
And you shall live happily ever after!
.....GED.....

576- YOU WON'T HEAR THIS

THE FOLLOWING IS A SHORT LIST OF.....
I'm sure we have all heard these kind of lines before, if you never have, you will someday, but never from the male gender.
.....GED.....

575- NEW STUFF

DID YOU TRY THIS YET?
Click here to give it a spin.... http://play.blogger.com/
You can figure it out yourselves, but here are some hints.
As the pics go by if you see an interesting shot click on that pic, read the blog where it was posted.
Speed up and slow down the pic speed with the slide bar.
You can stop, foward, and reverse.
Thats all, now you do it.
.....GED.....

Friday, September 14, 2007

574- AWARD WINNING IDIOTS

THESE TWO GUYS WON THE NATIONAL IDIOT AWARD
But they were too dead to accept the prize!
Their prize story happened kinda like this.....
Now this year's winners: (The late) John Pernicky and his friend, (the late) Sal Hawkins, of the great state of Washington, decided to attend a local Metallica concert at the George Washington amphitheater. Having no tickets (but having had 18 beers between them), they thought it would be easy to "hop" over the nine foot fence and sneak into the show. They pulled their pick-up truck over to the fence and the plan was for (the late) Mr. Pernicky, who was 100 pounds heavier than Mr. Hawkins) to hop the fence and then assist his friend over. Unfortunately for (the late) Mr. Pernicky, there was a 30 foot drop on the other side of the fence.Having heaved himself over, he found himself crashing through a tree. His fall was abruptly halted (and broken, along with his arm, as it were) by a large branch that snagged him by his shorts. Dangling from the tree with a broken arm, he looked down and saw some bushes below him. (Possibly) figuring the bushes would break his fall, he removed his pocket knife and proceeded to cut away his shorts to free himself from the tree. Finally free, (did I mention that he is THE LATE) Mr. Pernicky crashed into Holly bushes. The sharp leaves scratched his ENTIRE body, without the protection of his shorts. To make matters worse (?!), on landing, his pocketknife penetrated his thigh 3 inches. (The late) Mr. Hawkins, on seeing his friend in considerable pain and agony, decided to throw him a rope and pull him to safety by tying the rope to the pick-up truck and slowly driving away. However, in his drunken haste/state, he put the truck into reverse and crashed through the fence landing on his friend and killing him. Police arrived to find the crashed pick-up with its driver thrown 100 feet from the truck and dead at the scene from massive internal injuries. Upon moving the truck, they found John under it, half-naked, scratches on his body, a knife in his thigh, and his shorts dangling from a tree branch 25 feet in the air.
And you thought you were having a bad day?
.....GED.....

573- MOMS CAKE

HERE IS MOM DELIVERING HER CAKE, OOPS!
video
Double click the small triangle button (bottom left)
"Buffering" will appear on screen top left, wait, video
will start automatically. Sorry mom, but this is funny!
.....GED.....

Thursday, September 13, 2007

572- BLOCKHEADS

I'M TIRED OF TALKING ABOUT BLOCK HEADED GOVERNMENT OFFICIALS
Lets play a blockhead game... BLOCKHEAD GAME HERE
This is simple but addictive. give it a go!
.....GED.....

571- GAO REPORT

THE GOVERNOR WANTS A GAO REPORT OF THE ECONOMY BEFORE FEDERAL TAKEOVER OF THE CNMI LABOR AND IMMIGRATION

Governor calls for a GAO report.... defer action on these bills until the GAO completes its report on the CNMI economy,” he said.. (GAO..General Accounting Office)
THE STORY. He also, think about this, wants the OIA to pay for the report, imagine that, the OIA doing a report on the CNMI economy and giving the results that the governor wants to hear. Isn't this kinda ridiculous? I guess his wishful outcome of the report would be as follows...We the U.S. government, have concluded a report on the CNMI economy and have come to the following conclusions... We have no reason to control the security of the CNMI as they are doing an excellent job already. Also we conclude we should have no part in the labor and immigration issues there either. We further conclude that Governor Ben Fitial should have complete control of everything he wishes for. The economy is just great, as reported by the governor himself. And in a final note we are to give millions of free U.S. taxpayers dollars to line the pockets of all the governors cronies. This is a final statement. ( Old adage..Wish in one hand..Shit in the other..See which one fills up first.)

Well I'm gonna give you a GED report on the economy, this one is free. This will be as simple and short as I can put it and if you still don't get it I will accompany it with a picture...
Your economy is shit! It is down the toilet! It is no longer viable! It is already past the first turd trap. It is gone! (see diagram)

Do you get the picture? What is so hard to understand about this? What the hell good is a GAO report on shit that has already gone down the toilet gonna do? Stall for time? that's all it will accomplish. Give it up and help with starting anew. You now have the GED report.
.....GED.....